The Rogue Luna

ch4

****Trigger Warning**** this chapter contains scenes of abuse. Reader Discretion Advised.

I wake to dawn breaking through the windows. Strong arms wrapped around my waist. I gently lift Cassius's arm and quietly climb out of bed. I go to the bathroom. As I'm leaving the bathroom Ronin begins to cry. Cass scoops him up and starts rocking him. I lean against the door frame. Cass coos at him and talks to him as he changes his diaper.

I want to love him, but I don't trust him, not completely. I want to trust him. I want to give fully to the bond, but I can't let myself. Not yet. I have always wanted what my sister and Elias had but can I have that with Cass? Is he going to let me be my own person? What of my pack, if any survived? I can't be two places at once. I can't raise Ronin to love his people if he grows up so far away from them. I need to do what is best for Ronin and our pack, even if it means leaving Cassius, my mate.

Cassius walks up to me rubbing his hands down my arms. "What is it?" he asks as I feel a few tears slip down my cheek. "Nothing." I say wiping my eyes. "it's not nothing if you're crying." I can't tell him. He will lock me in here. He will keep me from what I need to do. "I was just thinking about my sister." I say only revealing the half-truth. As much as I'm not sure I can trust him I can't bring myself to lie to him. His sets in understanding and he nods still rubbing my arms. "Do you have anything going on this morning?" I ask changing the subject. "Not until later why?" he answers smiling at me. "Would you want to go for a run with me?" I ask with the best puppy dog eyes I can. I need him to think I'm adjusting well here. "of course." He says and gives me a wolfish grin.

We change and Briar offers to watch Ronin for us. We pass the training fields before we shift, and all the warriors stop to bow to us. I look to Cassius and seems proud of this action. I roll my eyes. "Did you train them to do that for your ego?" I ask picking up the pace. "They aren't bowing to me." He says with a chuckle. I raise my eyebrow at him. "There is only you and..." I stop as I realize, and Cass's smile broadens. "it's a symbol of respect to their Luna." I throw up my arms. "I sparred with a lousy partner. It's not like I beat you or Luther." I argue. "it's not that you won, love. It's that you fought smart, and you didn't stop when she backed you into a corner." He says still laughing. I shrug. "I wasn't going to let her kill me." I say nonchalantly. He shakes his head, and we continue walking.

We reach the woods and shift. He's a charcoal grey wolf with piercing golden eyes. My white wolf takes him by surprise. He nozzles close to me and warmth spreads through my whole body. It's hard to resist the bond in this form. Maybe I should lean into it more to remember when I must leave, because I will have to for Ronin. He can't be alpha here. He can't be anything but second to Cassius's children, my children if we stay. What kind of life is that for a child born to be alpha? Its not.

Cass breaks me from my thoughts as he nips at my ears. I playfully growl as I lower my head ready to pounce. I take off running into the woods. Cassius short on my heals. We weave in and out of trees he would nip at me heals playfully urging me faster. We come into a clearing I didn't see on my run with Sumner. I come crashing to a halt when I place why it seems so familiar. It's the same clearing from my dream, with sunflowers and wildflowers. Cassius trips over me at sudden stop and we tumble to the ground together. He looks down at me and tilts his head.

I lick his face and a scent hits me. Rogue. My body goes stiff, and my blood runs cold. Cass must smell I too as he quickly climbs off me and takes a defensive stance. I get to my feet and scan the tree line. Cassius begins to growl menacingly. I follow his line of sight and a small tan wolf emerges from the tree line and freezes at the sight of us. I don't believe my eyes. Gwyen! That's Gwyen's wolf. She must have survived the attack. Cass gets ready to pounce and I quickly jump in between them and growl shaking my head. Gwyen sems to realize it's me as her ears perk up and her tail wags.