goner | j.t.

{two} o

it was a normal day, a normal morning.

one of those days where you feel like doing nothing, except lay in bed and listen to your thoughts.

some nights i go to sleep hoping that tomorrow i'm gonna be happy, but when i wake up i'm still empty inside. i think about putting a smile on my face every now and then, to make it seem as if i'm happy. that would be lying though, and i've learned not to lie, because the worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth. i mean, people do it everyday so, "no big deal" right?

people lie about so many things.

they lie about being interested in something, they lie about caring, they lie when they say just kidding, because they don't want to hurt your feelings. they lie about being happy, when we all know that no one is ever truly happy deep down inside. they lie about being sorry when they're clearly not, or telling you that they're "busy" when really they just don't want to be around you. they lie when they say that it's okay, just to reassure us that there's nothing to worry about, but we all know it's not okay.

truthfully, nothing is ever just "ok."

but the biggest lie of them all, is when someone says,

"i'm fine."

because no, you're not fine. if you were, you wouldn't feel the need to say that.

i don't understand how a person can tell you so many lies, but never feel bad about it. like it doesn't even cross their mind that telling the truth and making someone cry is a lot better than lying to someone and making them smile.

the thing is, people that lie will either not feel bad about doing it at all, or will have all that guilt build up inside of them, for knowing they're not doing the right thing. those people think it's better to lie to someone so they don't hurt their feelings, but people don't want all these lies, they're looking for the truth.

i'd know.

i don't know why i'm still talking about this anyways, it's not like people will actually stop just because of one outcasts opinion. who would hear it from me anyways? people avoid me, act like i'm not here.

i hear them talking about me, saying i'm just a waste of space, and maybe they're right, but i'll just pretend i can't hear them. i'll put a fake smile on my face, and continue to be a nobody.

i am not as fine as i seem.