U TURN(COMPLETED)

Chapter Twenty-Four

There was nothing I could do. I'm gay, and I can't please him. I can't be the way he wants me to be.  The most I could do was give him space. When I see a male I don't feel what I feel when I see a female.

The five minute quickie that Cameron had provided felt good, but that's only thing I got out of it was pleasure, my heart wasn't in. He was just good with his hips, and even better with his stroke. I took many walks after that night not knowing what to. I didn't know what I could say to him.

I don't like men, it was simple as that.

I really was at a lost of what to do because I honestly wanted to make Cameron happy again, but I wasn't sure how I was gonna do that especially since there was only one thing that could make him smile.

I finally confided into Camille.

She didn't look like she really knew what to say as far as the whole entire thing was explained to her, but she did make me think.

"I honestly wouldn't even go try to settle anything. I would just let him come to terms with himself, and if you wanted to talk to him what would you say anyway?" I sucked at my banana shake shrugging. I had been in my feelings for the past two weeks that we hadn't spoke.

"I don't know Millie. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I cant apologize for being who I am." Camille reached over squeezing my hand as she drank down some of her strawberry smoothie. "Nope, no one can change what they are."

I pushed my shake to the side.

"He makes me wish I was straight though." Camille laughed a little bit. "I tend to think that sometimes you are straight because you let Cameron cross way to many boundries. You let him go as far as having sex with you? How secure are you in your sexuality? I have a gay cousin who would kick any guys ass for those boundries that you constantly allow Cameron."

"I am secure. I know who I am." I promised. Camille threw her strawberry smoothie away. "I think you like Cameron somewhere in you, you have to feel something. You care about him a lot , and  you step over to many lines for that boy. Paige, you let Cameron primarly take your innocence. That's huge."

I was confused. I had never looked at any guy with any kind of attraction before, so how was it that I was straight?

"Mille, I'm gay. I have never looked at no nigga that way." Camille stood up from the table that we were sitting at in the middle of the mall."You probably haven't found anybody that your attracted For example that's like or a long time ago I said I hated blue cheese because I had all these other sauces, ranch, ketchup, mustard -- so I really didn't have a need to eat the blue cheese. Until I ate the blue cheese and I realized that blue cheese it fucking delicious."

Camille groaned as her mind seem to wonder. "Come back Millie." I told her, and she giggled, "  Do you find Cameron attractive? Have you ever looked at him that way? Cameon is way attractive."

I nodded. "He's a nice looking...person."

Camille laughed at how awkward I sounded complimenting Cameron. " Just really sit down, and ask yourself who you are."

I quietly followed Camille into a shoe store while I let my mind wonder. I had never tried anything with any guy before. At the start of 13 I was sure I was gay. I liked the look, the smell, and the way of women.

Men just didn't intridge me, and I wasn't even sure if Cameron intridged. I was just really confused. I'm 18 now. I should pretty much be getting to know little things about me. I watched Camille try on some heels, as I took out my cellphone looking through my photo gallery.

I was staring hard at the picture until Camille poked me. "You can't MAKE him attractive by staring at his pictures PJ. If it suppose to happen  it will just come naturally." Camille walked to the register to pay for her shoes as I put my cellphone back up.

                                                                                                **

It was a month before I saw Cameron again. I had spent a lot of time thinking, but I had come to no conclusion. So I decided to finally listen to Camille about letting it happen "Naturally."

I decided to go to a gym off campus mainly because at the school gym it was like a club, and I was tryna get back in better shape.  I walked in with my towel on my shoulder, and there was Cameron ipod on full blast jogging on the treadmill, looking at the TV that the gym angled in the corner.

A lot of females were already looking at him. I understoond what they were looking at, he was in good shape. I walked to the tread mill beside him pushing a couple buttons to get it started . Cameron looked over obviously because he saw movement, our eyes met as I climbed on the tread mill  slipping right off with my chin hitting  the arm holders, a few several gasped rushing over as Cameron moved quickly to help me up.

I let him help me up as other people asked me if I was okay. I just nodded as the small crowd of people started to disperse. Cameron put his headphone's back in going back to treadmill. I got on the one beside him, walking.

Normally his eyes would be lingering all over me. I was in a sports bra, and some shorts to say the least. I just looked at him watching him lick his lips every so often till he finally got off the tread. He looked over at me before he got off walking over to the bar.

I got off the treadmill immediately going to spot him.

I grabbed the top of the bar. "Cameron." Cameron lifted the bar with ease. "Put 40 more pounds on."  I put some weights on either side, before going to spot him again. "Cam." Cameron looked at me. "Less talking -- we're suppose to be excerising." I was quiet as I looked down into his eyes.

He was looking back into mine.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He asked grunting as he lifted the bar. "What?" Cameron sighed settng the bar in the holder walking over to the pec machine. I followed. " Doing what?" I asked again. I finally watched Cameron's eyes look at my body shape.

He just shook his head pushing the weights in and out.

"I just wanna say that. I'm sorry, and that you will always be in my heart." I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I was honest as I went to work out. I got into my zone, and before long I noticed that Cameron had been left. 

I let out a harsh sigh as I continued to work out anyway.

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Picture of Cam