Friendship, Love or Nothing ➸ j.t

vii

~ Perrie ~

I stared after Jade, shocked. She . . . she loves me? Jade loves me. Why? Do I love her back? She's been my best friend for ages. I've heard of these situations, but when the guy falls in love with his female best friend. Not a female falls in love with her female best friend. I . . . I do love her. But if we date, my reputation would be ruined. Management would kill me and make me marry Zayn as soon as they hear about it. I'd lose fans and drop off the charts. And if we don't like dating, and break up, our friendship could be ruined.

I was deep in thought, staring out the kitchen window when Mrs. Carter placed a plate of cookies still warm from the oven in front of me. I forgot she was there.

"Oh, thanks," I say, smiling up at the cook and taking a cookie.

"You should go find her and tell her the truth," the larger woman said.

"That's the problem. I don't know the truth," I replied, turning two warm cookies around in my hands.

"Just listen to your heart. It's always truthful," Mrs. Carter said, patting my shoulder and walking out of the room into the larder. I sat there for a few more minutes, going over the cook's words in my head, before standing and making my way out of the warm kitchen, leaving my cookie on the table. I searched everywhere for Jade; my room, the bathroom, lounge, movie room, even down at the beach where we went yesterday. I couldn't find her.

I was climbing the stairs, asking myself where she could be, when I heard a faint sob. And then another. And another. I followed the sounds to the door of my parents room. The sobs were louder and sniffing was heard to. Jade. I opened the door slowly and stuck my head in. It took awhile for my eyes to get used to the dark room. And then I saw her. Her big brown eyes looking up at me, blood-shot and tear stained. Her small hand reached up and wiped a tear that fell down her cheek.

"Baba," I said, voice coming out in a whisper. I stepped into the room and ran over to her, sitting beside her and pulling her small, fragile body to mine. We sit there, Jade curled up on my lap, still crying, until the light in the room fades. Jade's sobs started to die down, body shaking less. I kept on rocking her back and forth, rubbing her back trying to comfort her.

"Jadey?" I asked. Her head lifted from my chest, chocolate eyes meeting mine. "How long . . . Uh, how long have you loved me?"

Jade sighed, placing her head back on my chest. "I don't know. It's just something that happened. One day, you're just my best friend, the next, I'm in love with you."

My forehead creased as I thought about her words. "Aren't you worried about ruining our friendship?"

Jade sighed again. "No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I just wanna try. I love you too much to let you go, Perrie. I want you in my life. As my girlfriend, not my best friend. I want more than you can give," she whispered the last part.

I froze at what she said. "Jade-"

"No. Don't say my name with that tone!" she cut me off. "Admit it! It's true! I want you and you're gonna go off and get married and I'm just going to be all alone for the rest of my life because the only girl I love is with some other guy!" Jade shouted, standing up.

"Jade! I don't want to marry Zayn! I'm being forced to for publicity! And I can't back out of it because they control my career. One move and my career could be over . . ." I trailed off.

"Oh," was all that came out of Jade's mouth.

"Look, Jade. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. That's just how it has to be . . ."

She pushed me away, turning her back on me as she began to cry again.

"Jade . . ."

"Don't."

"Jade, I-"

"I said, don't, Perrie. Please just leave me alone."

My heart broke. I wanted nothing more than to comfort her in her grief. But I couldn't, because it would just hurt her more. There was nothing I could do to help her, except to leave her to wallow in her sadness. I stood and backed slowly out of the room, closing the door and leaving her alone.