alternative (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

~•8•~

Zeta's POV

After school, I met Jax at the fence like I promised. We stood on opposite sides again. He was cautious as to who would see us, but I felt like he wanted to see me. It became a daily routine.

"You're a nice girl," he told me one time.

"Thanks." I replied, blankly.

"I'm sorry that we can only talk like this, but... I want to see you."

I sighed, "I... do too." But secretly, I was jumping up and down like I had won the lottery or something.

It was awkward talking to him. I really liked him, but the only way he'd let me speak with him was if we weren't side by side or on the same property or whatever. And that's how it lasted for a couple days, and we became less tense.

"I genuinely want to know... Tell me about your life," he said one day "you know, before the, uh... stuff happend."

I take a deep breath, " Well...I have a memory of being about... nine or ten and being told I had no right to live and I should never been born. I don't remember who said it, but I do remember my mother just standing there and not doing anything about it. I became very withdrawn, and it was extremely difficult to talk to people.

"By the time I was to start seventh grade, it was decided I belonged in special education. I was accepted, but there was no room, so I went to normal junior high school. I never believed I belonged there.

"I have believed I was stupid, not normal, and I should be locked away somewhere. In junior high, I had no friends, and people went out of their way to hurt me. As a result, I withdrew even more, became very depressed and wanted to go to sleep and never wake up."

He put his hand around the back of his neck and sighed, "I'm sorry, Zeta." he told me "I'm can't tell you that I know how you feel, 'cause... I dont, but.. I'm here for you and I know Emerson, Aria, Ryan, and the rest of us are."

"So am I just the sick friend now?"

"What? No, that's not what I was saying at all!" he replied, keeping himself from raising his voice "Everyone has problems at home and with life because I hate to be blunt but life fucking sucks, okay! Some people got it easier, some have it harder, but we can't just blame it on everyone else and run away from it or push others away! I'm not saying we need to just deal with it, but it's what you make it."

I let out a long breath of air that I didn't know that I had, "I like you Jax... a lot," I hold back the familiar fealing of tears "but I don't have problems." And with that, I went back to my house ignoring his protests behind me.

I didn't need help! I'm HELP-less! And I also didn't need anyone! I'm not some depressed stupid fork,  but everyone hates me because I'm not good enough! My teachers, my parents, me peers! I can 'deal' with it myself and I don't want or need friends. I'm sick and toured of everyone saying that they can help me. Every councelor, principal, and policeman has not been able to "help" me.

I hate my life and my self.

~•♥•~

The next day I went back to school and sat by them at lunch, but I didn't talk again. I spent the whole time stalking Jax and Jessie. They looked so perfect... I wanted that! I wanted a guy like Jax who I could talk to and cry in his shoulder and... kiss.

Maybe if I stop pushing Jax away I could make him like me. Maybe that's thre reason he went back with her! I smile at the thought. "You okay, Zeta?" Jack asked me. I nod, "Yeah... I'm just fine."

Later, I meet Jaxon at the gate as usual, but this time, I try not to get upset at every little thing. He kept asking me about my dad and I told him he's getting his sentence soon, but my mother got a year. My dad probably got 6-8 years or at most 10.

I was trying so hard not to get emotional, but that stupid female curse of emotion was starting to get to me. Thankfully, being the nice guy Jax is he finally stopped bugging the crap out of me.

"Sorry about that. I know it's difficult. And I'm sorry again for breaking my promise." he says.

"It's all right. It was the right thing to do and I just didn't want to admit it." I reply.

He looked a little shocked, "So..."

"So..." I echoed "Do you think I'm-"

"No! I don't think you're emotional! What your going through right now is really difficult!" he almost climbed over the fence.

"Good. Thanks for everything and... I'm just trying to stay strong." I'm not much of an actor, but this is a lot easier than I thought or would be."

He cracked a smile, and I soon did the same, "Well, I told you about me..." I say "Now it's your turn."

He chuckles, "Okay... well, I have an older brother and a younger sister, my dad works like non-stop all of the time. And my mom works too, but thankfully still has time to get the take out." we laugh weakly "but um... I don't know what else to say."

I was awestruck, "What's it like to have siblings?"

He groans, "Oh don't even get me started! Big ones are always having to be better and the little ones are so annoying!" he shakes his head "but in the end, you know, you've got to love 'em!"

I smirk, "Yeah."

He looked like he felt bad, "Um... we should go home... it's getting dark, but I'll uh, see you tomorrow.

I nod and start to leave but quickly turn back, "Jax wait."

He whirls around, "Yes?"

I bite my lip, debating on if I should do the impossible or not, "Would it be possible... ever... for you to like me?"

~•♥•~