Till We Meet Again

James's Letter

These last 10 pages are all about you, Violet. A person who lives next door since I was 7.

When I first saw you, I couldn't tell how happy I am considering you are the first person I saw after I moved in. I'm glad that you are willing to be friend with me.

We played together and tell about each other's problems like we are brother and sister. We took care of each other until now.

By the time I was 15, it took me a while to realize that I really do care for you. My brain took a while to know what my heart already knows; I like you. I like you since I was a kid. That kind of explain why my heart always beating so fast when I saw you. And that's real.

I wanted to tell you but there are two possibilities if I do:

1) you're okay with it
2) you'll stay away from me.

Surely, the second possibility sounds scary so I decided to not think about that for a while. Losing you hurts more than not telling you how I felt about you.

And of course, you always make me nervous every single time you talk.

Let me rephrase that.

You always make me feel giddy every single time you do something. Talking, smiling, laughing, and every single detail of you are the ones I would notice every time I spend my time with you.

How your eyes always shines when you smile, how you would stuttered when buying things because you are nervous talking to a stranger, how you really loves getting into bookstores, how you imagining things and how you talk when you are sad.

I love every single detail about you. I love you.

You are already perfect in my eyes by being imperfect. By being you.

You light up my whole world.

And I thank god for you.

When I first found out that I had cancer, I was devastated.

I couldn't face you without feeling sad, knowing that I am going to leave the love of my life alone. Knowing that I'm going to leave my little angel around without a guardian by her side.

So I fought. I fought the illness inside. Every single day, I woke up with one intention in my heart: to find a cure to the cancer so that I could see your face every day.

I am sorry that I rarely see you that whole time. I was trying so hard to find a cure.

I stay strong because of you. You are the reason that I wanted to fight in this battle and keep living.

When you confessed to me that you love me, I am so happy, but in the same time I felt sad, and scared.

I am happy knowing that I am not the only one that is hoping. I am happy knowing that the love of my life actually love me too just like I love her.

But I am sad knowing there's just not much time left on the clock. Knowing that I will leave the ones I love alone. I'm scared knowing that you will hope the angel of death will take you instead of me.

If I were in your shoes, I'd do all those things. But I know you are different. So can you promise me one thing?

Please don't end your life. Please live your life happily. That's all I ever wanted when I am gone, leaving you alone.

I love you and I don't want you to be sad. I know you are a strong person. Don't blame it on fate and time. Fate has brought us together. Time has given us the best memories of each other.

My angel, your beauty you have in your heart and mind struck me. A beauty that no one can ever compete with.

Thank you for making me a happy boy during my childhood. Thank you for making me realize how great it is to fall in love. Thank you for staying by my side this whole time. I wouldn't change anything in my life. I'm glad that I met you, I'm glad that I am your guardian, your protector. Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world.

When I'm gone, my memory with you will be the last thing on my mind.

I'm sorry for all the time that I left you alone.

I have fun spending time with you on my last days. I know I couldn't survive anymore so when you came through that door, I thank god for giving me a second chance and time to spend with you.

That's all I ever wanted on my last days.

Forever yours,
James.