Riptide

Chapter 15, Feelin' this.

We arrived at target in what felt like a heartbeat. Looking up and seeing the giant red symbol on top of the building reminded me of when my father and I would shop around here.
I never quite understood why he gave me up, or what reason there was for him to do so.
Our relationship was so steady, and I was so young. I don't understand what kind of predicament would break us apart so quickly.
I always felt as if there was something more to the entire situation that I was limited to knowing about.
I don't know.
Maybe the entire situation was justified, or maybe he just didn't want me.
If he didn't, I don't understand how he'd be so hysterical while giving me up.
Flashes struck the front of my mind and gave me vivid pictures of my father, how I would always catch him coming home looking slightly injured with maybe a bruise on his arm or a swollen lip.
I was too young to understand 
Looking back, there just might be something.. wrong.
But, I guess there's nothing to do about it now.
I apprehensively and gently unhinged my fingers from around billies hand.
"Come on, lets go." I spoke nicely, trying to hide the odd thoughts flooding my brain.
Walking in, I smelt the familiar smell of , well, a store. Carpet, clothes, the beeping sound of the check out counter.
What's today's date? July 12, 1994.
But it feels like forever ago.
I've always gotten strange flashbacks of nostalgic memories that never happened. Or, maybe things that are inevitably going to happen?
Maybe it's all an existential crisis.
I walked on, as normal. One foot in front of the other as I had every day before me, and will every day in front of me.
Today I feel... off.
Today I feel.. depressed.
We made it to the hair aisle and grabbed a dark blue manic panic with some box bleach.
"How's this color?" I asked curiously.
I didn't know if he wanted a bright, neon blue,
Or some kind of dark, black blue.
This should be another good way for me to know his spirits and more of what he's like.
"Nah. I like this one more." Billie said whilst grabbing a lighter color.
It was a darkish deep blue, but a color that would definitely show up brightly in somebody's hair.
He began peeling the sticker tag off of the bottom of the small container, and shoved the dye into his pocket.
"What the hell are you doing?" I whisper yelled.
"Getting my hair dye?" He whispered.
"We can't steal!"
"Yes we can. Watch."
He shoved the small container in his pants, and put his hands in his pockets. He began strolling out of the store, while the friendly cashier said with a grin, "have a nice day!"
I waved and gave a sympathetic smile towards him and followed Billie out of the store.
"What the hell is the matter with you? You can't steal if you want to get better!" I spoke harshly as we walked down the road again.
"Well what the fuck else am I supposed to do? I don't see any money on either of us. "
I stared at him angrily as I pulled out the hundred dollars that I stole from Lacy.
His face softened as he looked embarrassed.
"Oh.." he shyly said.
"You didn't even bother to ask if I had any money, Billie."
"I'm fucking sorry, okay? We got what we needed. That's all that matters." He said.
"No, that's NOT all that matters Billie! For gods sake, do you have any empathy?"
He glared at me with watery eyes.
"No, I don't. "
He forcefully grabbed my wrists and looked me straight in the eyes.
"But, why would I want to take anything more from you?"  He spoke.
"Billie, I'm trying to help you. You can't be afraid to ask for these things."
"Normally I'm not, okay? I just.. this strange emotion, I'm not sure what it is.."
His face flushed red as he let go of my wrists and turned away.
He began walking down the road in front of me.
"Wait.. wait. BILLIE!" I ran towards him.
"You're shy! You're being shy! Oh this is wonderful,  we're making such an improvement!" I said happily.
He smiled. "Yay me!" He said.