The city is a trap, lights, anonymous desires are changing like the passing by cars. There's nothing more and less about love affairs than a little boredom. Someone you admired stops being that lovely, the conversations get shorter, the tea gets cold and he's still not there. Busy recording and album, busy walking down the red carpet with the pretty actress, that came to town for two days. Busy, reading screenplays for variety shows in bed. Always busy, but - 'That's not a problem. It's the crazy phase it will go. Here's my manager's assistant from the company, he will keep you company.'
So the next morning when I take the elevator to the hall from his expensive apartment a man waits next to the front desk. Assistant from the company? I guess it must be someone else, not the tall sexy with dark hair.
"Hi, you must be Taeil's girlfriend, I'm Jaehyun," his handshake is firm.
"Yes, sure, it's me and you're the assistant?" I ask.
"Yes, would you like to see the city, go somewhere? Name it! Theatre play, I can get the tickets. Would you like to eat in or out, Italian, or Lebanese? Name it, it will be delivered," he smiles bright.
"Oh that's what Taeil paid for," I'm grumpy.
Why can't he spare one hour a day to talk to me instead he got his silver card out and hired a male hostess, someone probably really nice, but still.
Name it - he said - so I name a few places. He has a nice car, probably paid by Taeil.
We spend the day driving me around places, we eat in a 5 star restaurant then order pizza for supper, he leaves after 10 p.m. Before he tells me about his life, his friends, his dimples show when he says bye.
The door closes behind him and the apartment gets quiet. Midnight, I phone my sister. One a.m. I'm tired of watching online shows. Two a.m. I'm making a round along the corridors to ask the guard downstairs if he has a scrap of a massage from Taeil. Something, anything, was he bitten by a dog, beaten up by hooligans, had he broken a leg running backstage, was he poisoned by his new actress friend. Three a.m. his mailbox is so boring, I stop calling.
'Sorry the recording got longer, I hope you had a nice day with Jae,' he sends a message then next morning.
Nice day with Jae, are you kidding me.
But it continues for two more weeks, and I spend the nights like a wolf without a pack that is howling to the moon on an ice desert.
The days are fun because, how to express it, Jae is a decent man, he can be really funny without intending to. He plays gentleman, opens the door for me, holds the umbrella, takes care of my bag. Name it and I'm here.
So Mr. Taeil you'll get what you wished for. Name it and it's really truly here. It's past midnight and I asked Jae to come and pick me up, I wear my best earrings to heels and a sliver dress. Name it Taeil, his name is Jae, and he's here instead of you.
His car is parked in front of the building, his colony fresh, he combed his hair extra smooth, wore a leather jacket. I haven't named it yet, does he feel it underneath his skin.
The engine goes up, the night lights flash by. Should we drive down the river, rent a room in a motel at the end of the road, or a fancy hotel suit above the roofs of the city. Name it. I want someone else to care how the man next to me can care.
We're far from anything mates could be, we're not even close friends, to become friends with benefits, but he seems to read my mind when he stops the car in an abandoned place far away from the brightness of the city.
"Do you really want to cheat on him?" he ask turning to me.
"If I name it will you?" I ask afraid of the way I had become.
"You might not have noticed, but I fancy you a lot, I volunteered for this job," he laughs.
So he likes me that complicates things, I really don't want a honest man to be heartbroken. What if he will make me like him more?
It's not a lost battle.
"Can we just try and count the regrets after?" I ask.
My breath gets unsteady, I've never done it just to make someone suffer, just for revenge.
"Ok," he leans in, his lips fall on my neck, it's like in the movies, fast, hot, uncomfortable in the small cabin of the car.
So you wanted it Taeil. Name it, you get it, we're falling, undressing, his hands strong, as firm as during the first handshake.
His lips like marble sculptures of ancient heroes, there's no time to waste, I press the radio on, an upbeat song rolls in, please don't play Taeil's latest hit.
"Backseat?" he ask when he bangs his elbow at the steering wheel.
"Backseat," I mutter.
We jump out, run this two meters, jump inside, slam the doors in a harmony. His breath is loud his smile wide, have I ever done something as crazy and awkward as this one night stand.
It's pretty funny, a little clumsy, my heels get into his thigh through the jeans and he winces, then he opens the window and throws my heels through it, on the road. Really?
"Just spear my coat and underwear," I beg.
"Ok," he blinks, he's easy going, the complete opposite of Taeil.
So he falls back on my lips and we drift deeper, and deeper into the Neverland of forgetting.
The morning light is still gray, the little bedroom in his assistant's apartment smells so clean and safe. He's asleep or he's just pretending, black hair scattered on the pillow, a little diamond glittering in his ear. Why something so difficult like waking up next to the wrong one feels so easy. He moves and smiles while hie eyes flash behind the dark hair strings.
"Hi, will you stay for breakfast?" he asks.
"I guess," I feel his assisting might expand starting tonight.
"I'm happy," he takes my hand and moves to his lips.
I blush way to hard.
Name it you have it. He's name is Jae, and he's great in it.
Name it, you have it, can you be my next boyfriend...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
