It was after Johnny's funeral. I was a mess. Everyone was. But I was completely broken. I lost my parents, Johnny, and Dally. I didn't know what to do. At first it wasn't so bad but then I started getting tormented at school. Steve found out and he changed that real quick. Me and him started talking and we became best friends. It was around that time when Randy started turning into a greaser. But then something happened... I don't want to talk about it. You people will think I'm crazy. I started to cut. It hurt like hell at first but then it became soothing, and I got addicted to it. That what caused my depression and the thought of Johnny and Dally dead din't help much either.
I turned to drugs. I got them from a good friend of mine.I did a lot of it. This actually ties into my first suicide attempt. Me and Darry did nothing but fight and I got sick of it. And my depression was really high, so I took a needle, spoons, and the heroin mix and went down the Turner Street. I dug the needle full of heroin in my vein and keept fixing up until I OD. It worked. Everything went black and I felt unconsious.
I woke up in the hospital with Steve by my side. He told me everything. About how he found me, and how mad Darry was. All that shit. Darry was happy I was alive and everything, but he was pissed I was on drugs. I was grounded for a month and he couldn't even look at me. That was back when I gave two shits Me and him eventually made up but I started with the drugs again a couple days later. No one found out, and no one ever will. At least I hope not.
The cutting got worse from then. I cut deeper, longer cuts. I bled a lot more. I was really depressed. Darry even took me to a Doctor. I was acting the whole time. I convinced them there was nothing wrong. I'm a good actor. I only did that because I didn't want them to know what was really wrong. A couple weeks later is when I made my next suicide move.
I snook out really late and took a knife with me. I sat by the fountain int he park where Johnny killed Bob. I wished Bob would have drowned me. I don't want to be alive. I want nothing more than to be dead. I just sat there and laughed at myself. I took the knife and cut both my wrists open. Blood dripped down my arm and blood was coming from my mouth. I saw a blue mustang pull up. Along with it I saw the soc that went grease. Randy grabbed the knife from my hand and drove me to the hospital. Darry and Soda knew about the suicide attempt but they didn't find out about the cuts. I was thankful for that. I had to get stitches in both my wrists. But this is all when I was 14.
When I was 15 I became the Tulsa man whore because of all the girlfriends I've had. I know it's a lot but at least I haven't two timed on Savannah. She's the girlfriend I've had the longest. We've been dating for a month. But that's not the only reputation I got. Everyone knows I do drugs, drink, smoke and everything else. Darry and Soda don't know about the cutting, but they sure know about the drugs and they hate me for it.
My depression is really bad but I don't get help. I don't want help. It's a waste of time. I'd rather kill myself. I moved in with Buck. He said I better not get the fuzz to come over. That's because wherever I go the fuzz come and chase me. Buck's place is my hide out. All I have in my room is a bed, cloths, and a box of condoms. That's all I need. I got a job at the rodeo and I get paid but I spend it on drugs. But I do go to the DX and gave Soda the money to help Darry with the bills. My life story.
Well that's what kicked me off to being a no count hood. That's all I have to tell really. Nothing more or nothing less.
