You Don't Even Know Her

Chapter 4

It was yet another day in math class. I saw her, but paid no mind to her. I wanted today to be a normal school day, like the days were I didn't have any crushes.

My plan failed within the first ten minutes of class. By assuring myself that I wouldn't have feelings for her, I ended up stuck on that thought for a while. It eventually turned into a daydream.

I started to imagine what it would be like if we were actually a thing. I imagined us sitting together at a bench in the park. There was no one else around: only me and her. We were talking about how math was a joke, and that it was too easy.

And then we both became quiet, and looked into each other's eyes. That moment felt perfect. Next thing I knew, we were closing the distance between us, both of us leaning in...

You don't even know her.

*whack*

I was awaken from my daydream by myself. The sudden thought of liking someone I barely knew came back once more, and made me slap myself to get a grip.

Everyone was looking at me. It was super embarrassing, but luckily I had a fake explanation.

"There was a fly on my cheek," I said to the class.

There were little bits of laughter, and then the lesson continued.

Damn it, that was so embarrassing, I thought.

Why would I daydream about being someone's boyfriend when I barely even knew them? It made no sense. It made me feel like a desperate idiot.

A few seconds passed, and I then glanced at her, neglecting the fact that I told myself to not pay her any mind.

It wouldn't matter if I looked at her or not; it would only be me looking at her, and that would've been that.

Only this time, she was looking back at me.

Her right hand was covering her mouth.

It looked to me like she was trying to suppress a laugh.

Seeing that sort of made me forget about trying to keep my feelings from growing. It made be forget everything that could've been morally wrong with my daydream. While maintaining eye contact, I smiled, and she uncovered her mouth, revealing her own smile.

You don't even know her.

That thought meant nothing to me in that moment. The cute little interaction was what mattered. Instead of feeling embarrassed, I started to feel confident. Perhaps me and her being a thing was possible.

Then I realized that this interaction wouldn't guarantee anything. Her smile doesn't necessarily mean that she likes me. She still doesn't know a single thing about me.

Maybe I read to much into this. The embarrassment settled in once again.

Then I realized that I was overthinking this whole scenario. There wasn't anything working against me but me. If I were to not screw up my chances, it would mean that I would have to keep myself from going crazy. If I don't go crazy, things would progress normally, and liking her wouldn't be so complicated.

Not going crazy proved to be challenging.