Regret [Yurio x Reader]

Regret

        Sometimes, I regret it.

        No, not sometimes, all the time.

        I regret it more than I should. He never did anything, it was me. I wasn't good enough for him, I could see that. I didn't want to let go, but I had to. What pushed me so far that I was convinced of this? The answer is, I don't know. In the process of hurting and breaking his heart, I broke mine too. Letting him go is the hardest thing for me to accept. To accept he's no longer mine, he can belong to someone else. Somewhere deep in my mind, I question is this really for the better? Having me would only hold him back from achieving his true potential.

        Why did I feel this way? That letting him go was the biggest mistake I could've made.

        It was the right thing to do right? If it is, then why is there a part of me saying no it wasn't the best thing to do? He could always find someone better, someone who knows how to skate and will support him more than I ever could. Anytime he gets interviewed, they ask about our relationship. He ignores the question or shoots them straight down. A tiny part of me is happy for that. It wasn't the whole worlds business. The media didn't need to know what happened, only that we weren't dating anymore.

        During the time we were dating, we were happy. I knew that much without him saying anything. He was the best thing to ever happen to me in my short life. I don't know if I'll ever be as happy with someone else as I was with him. Instead of the sun to my moon, he was the moon to my sun. The strong feelings I had and still have make me think, I could've been in love with him. It's been a couple months since we broke up, the feeling is as strong as ever or even stronger.

        I snap out of my thoughts when I see a familiar blonde skate to the center of the ice. Suddenly, I felt a chill go down my spine. Was the coldness of the ice rink finally getting to me despite the warm jacket I had on? Seeing my ex-boyfriend skate to the center and wait for his music to start made a memory arise.

        "[Name], stop being a scaredy cat!" He snaps at my hesitation to follow him on the ice, "you won't die! Just come on the ice already!"

        He has skated a few times around the rink while I hesitantly think if I should actually get on the frozen water. I still stand at the edge of the ice, despite his "encouraging" words. Wary of what might happen if I step on it. Sucking it up and being as careful as I can, I place both skates on the solid water. I didn't let go of the wall that's giving me support. I glance up to see my blond boyfriend scowling at me. He was giving me the "you're being pathetic" look. I couldn't help it. This is my first time ever on ice. It's not easy for me as it is for him. He's the figure skater not me.

        He clicks his tongue and glides over, holding out both of his hands towards me. "Give me your hands."

        "W-what?! If I let go of the wall, I'll fall!"

        "You won't if you give me your hands!"

        Not seeing a better way to get out of this situation, I let go of the wall. Then quickly take his outstretched hands. "Happy?" I ask looking at the male figure skater.

        "Very." He smirks at me. If only I could wipe it off his face.

        Yuri begins to skate backwards slowly. A nice speed for me to get used to the feeling of gliding. After a minute, I realize that I am actually gliding and I'm not falling. A sudden happiness overcomes my body.

        "Look! I'm actually gliding on the ice!" I shout excited that I wasn't falling, "Yuri! I'm doing it!"

        "The only reason you're not falling is because of me." He states bluntly, killing my mood a tiny bit but I don't mind. I'm too happy for him to kill my mood completely.

        Suddenly the feeling of his warm hands leaves my cold ones. I immediately start panicking and lose my balance. Within a few seconds of him letting go, I manage to fall on my butt. This was the exact reason why I didn't want to leave the wall. The wall wouldn't leave me to fall on my butt like my boyfriend did.

        Slowly, I get up. This time, I have a vice like grip on the wall and refusing to let go. I glare at the amused blonde whose a few feet away. "Why did you do that?!"

        "To prove you wrong, [Name]."

        "You can be such a sucky boyfriend, you know? But, sometimes, that's what I like about you."

        Moving on wasn't possible. I couldn't get rid of these feelings I harbored. I have to even if it wasn't possible. I can't hold him back.

        If I have to let him go, then, why am I here?

        Why am I here seeing Yuri perform in Moscow?

        Why can't these stupid feelings go away?

        Why is it so hard to let go fully?

        The music started, bringing me out of my thoughts once more. His movements, passion, story he is telling, choreography all are captivating. I can't look away from his beauty. It only further confirmed, I would only be holding him back if I were still with him. People say "if you love something, set it free". It's exactly what I did, I set the person I love free. I know, he will find someone better.

        At the end of his free skate, Yuri is on his hands and knees, panting. I counted six jumps in the second half. Just doing six jump combinations is brutal. Once he caught his breath, he got up and started to skate towards the exit. I was in a seat close to the exit, so I could see all the figure skaters come off and on the ice.

        As if on cue, Yuri finds my gaze. Blue-green eyes meet [eye color] ones. His face stays in neutral, but his eyes are telling a completely different story. I give him a small smile and a wave, which he ignores. He breaks eye contact quickly and continues to follow his coaches. He pretended I wasn't even there, like I didn't exist. I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

        What did I expect?

        He would never come running back to me after our break up. 

        Why did I even think he would?