M A R K M Y W O R D S

struggling

2 months later
December 24

Justin's POV:

"Selena, can we just talk about this another day please?" I tell selena through the phone.

I hated arguing with her on the phone because you can easily just hang up and not resolve anything.

"No, I think we should talk about this now. So, why were you hanging out with Hailey?" I roll my eyes.

Selena and I have been going through a rough patch lately. We've been seeing each other less than usual lately, with Jingle Ball, it's gonna be hard to juggle her in it.

"Babe, it was just a coincidence. Trust me, I didn't expect her to be there either." I hear her sigh through the phone.

"We need a break, from each other." My heart drops. There's no purpose in having a break from each other.

"Babe, you think we should have a break from each other because we've been so distant? We're only going to make each other more distant and that's not what I want. That's the last thing I want."

I can't believe I'm arguing, on the verge of breaking up, with selena in my room back in Canada.

"Well Justin, what else is there to do? With you on the road for Jingle Ball, me going back and forth to Tennessee for chemo, there's just no time for us right now." She's really serious.

I don't even know what to say. I don't want to say yes because then I feel like I lost her once again, but then I don't wanna say no because I know this is what's best.

I sit on my bed and place my elbows on my knees. I take a deep breathe. "Ok, that's fine. Bye I love you." I immediately hang up and lay back on my bed.

What if we never come back from our 'break'? That scared the living hell out of me. I hear a knock at my door and the knob turn.

My mom peaks through and sees my eyes probably red. "Oh baby, what happened?" She says rushing to sit next to me.

I try and at least not have a ugly face plastered on, but I can't. "Selena said we needed a break mom."

With my mom, I can bust out crying if I want to. So that's what I did. I cried on her shoulder as she rubs my back.

"It'll be alright Justin, I promise. Just give her sometime and have some patients and before you know it, she'll be back in your arms again. Ok?" She says placing the palms of her hands around my cheeks and wiping a tear that was going down my cheek.

"I love her mom. I don't want to lose her again." She gives a somewhat pout but a smile.

My mom was always there for me when Selena and I were on and off. She's actually the one who got us into church and God.

"You won't Jay. As long as y'all have faith, you're good. How about you take a nap or something?" I nod my head.

She kisses my forehead and gets back up. She stops at the door and looks back at me. "I love you Justin."

"I love you too mom." She smiles and closes the door. I lay back in my bed and watch the ceiling fan spin around and around.

Slowly but surely, my eyes start to close. I shut my eyes and I'm out.

Selena's POV:

As soon as I hung up, tears start streaming down my face. What have I done?

I trip over the dumbest things ever. They make me do the dumbest things too. After seeing those photos of Justin and Hailey, I was filled with anger.

I felt like he wasn't even thinking about me one bit when he was there. It's not that I don't trust him, I do, it's the fact is if he felt something.

What if he started reminiscing about their flame they had? That's what scares me. Him thinking about another women and having that same feeling he has with me.  

I just hope he knows I still love him, because I do. Just with everything with his Jingle Ball dates and with my chemo, it's hard.

Life would be so much easier if he wasn't on tour and if I never had lupus, but everything happens for a reason. I believe that.

Just to make me even more sadder, I listen to music. I press the shuffle button on my sad playlist and Rihanna's 'Love on the Brain' comes on.

Everything in this song makes me want to bawl. Her vocals are what truly makes me cry. I'm glad I'm alone in his jet so I can cry all I want.

I wipe my tears with my T shirt and I look at it realizing it's Justin's and I cry even more. No I don't think I can do this.

I can't get a break from him. I dial Priscilla's number. It rings two times before she answers.

"What's up prima?" She sounded like she was feeding Aidan or something. "Uhm, well I think I'm gonna go to Canada and spend it with Justin. Is that ok?"

I still sounded stuffed up. The line goes silent for a bit. "Is everything ok Selena?" I hear a door shut. "You can talk to me Sel."

I wipe another tear away. "I messed up Pris. We got in an argument and I told him we need a break but I didn't mean to say that. So now I'm scared he doesn't have faith in me anymore."

She sighs. "Selena I'm sure once you're there, he's gonna feel reassured about you. What did he even do anyways?" I roll my eyes just picturing it.

"He went to this party thing they had and Hailey was there and pictures of them smiling and stuff surfaced." She gasps.

"That little bitch! I'm gonna kick his ass next time I see him." I start laughing. She always knows how to cheer me up.

"No it's ok, I already do that. Anyways, so is it fine if I go over there?"

"Yeah, its fine. Go get your man!" I hear Jay say over the phone.

"Alright, bye!" I hang up and immediately go to the cockpit. I knock on the door and wait for the copilot to come out.

"Yes?" He looked like he didn't expect for me to knock at the door.

"I need you to turn around and head towards Canada."

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Uhm soo leavin yall off on a cliffhanger SORRY

but part 2 will be published tomorrow so there's your xmas gift😂

Anyways MERRY CHRISTMAS IS CURRENTLY LIKE 1 IN THE MORNING?? But hope you all enjoy this Christmas chapter !!!!