The Other Half [ON HOLD FOR REWRITE] / MAFIOSA

Chaper Twelve

Alarice Guillermo

I broke in front of him.

Last night's nightmare was the worst one I've ever had.

Because this time, I relived the whole thing.

One thing is seeing glimpse and parts of what happened that night, but another thing is having to see the whole thing without being able to wake up, without being able to prevent it, without being able to save him.

If it wasn't for Sebastian waking me up last night I don't know what would have happened. For all I know, the dream could have repeated itself over and over again.

But, Sebastian also saw too much last night, he saw me being weak, broken, and empty. I told myself I wouldn't let this happen again but I fucked up. This is something he can hold against me, in my career and life. He's getting too close too soon.

However, I can't deny that when he stayed and comforted me last night, I felt at peace. I felt that with him, I could find the peace that I am constantly looking for since Gustavo died. And that scares me, probably more than when we kissed. That's something we haven't brought up, he's made no move to do so, maybe he regrets it.

Oddly enough, I don't, in fact I'm glad it happened. It's like he awakened something in me that has been shut down for years. The time I spent with Sebastian yesterday made me feel alive and full of energy, I was never like that when I was with Christopher.

Right now, I'm embraced by Sebastian's body, his broad, strong arms are around me in a comfortable tight grip, with his head is buried in my neck in the same way mine is. It's like we're holding on to each other for our dear lives and don't want to let go. I can feel him breathing softly in my neck, causing shivers to go down my spine. Taking the opportunity, I inhale softly his scent, quickly recognizing the faintness of his cologne.

As much as I love to be like this with him, I can't. Attaching myself to him will only bring problems, downfalls, and heartache. He is notorious for his numerous flings and never getting serious with anyone. If my feelings develop more for him it'll just end up in a heartbreak, and I have a feeling this one could be worse than my last one.

My last heartbreak made me the strong, independent woman I am today, however that also left me with more issues that I didn't start off with.

It led me to having a difficult time to trust other people and open up, especially about Gustavo. It also made me a bit heartless, which reflected on my work and somehow that made me more successful. People began to fear and respect me more. However, I never became heartless to those I love. My family and friends have always been there for me, even when I push them away at times, it's something I will forever be grateful for. Even though my mind and emotions can be all over the place, they ground me and support me.

Although Sebastian doesn't know, I have been exposing to him to bits and pieces of my past. Maybe not to the full extent, but it's subtle. I took him to the Café Rouge, a place I used to go to with Gustavo every time we were in Canada. I haven't been there since my brother died, it was too hard to go there because that café is full of memories I have with Gustavo. But somehow, in the spur of the moment, I took Sebastian there yesterday without a second thought. When I saw him admire the place, I couldn't help but mention that Café Rouge is a special place for me. Unfortunately, that brought back the memories of my brother in this café that I had to close me eyes so that I wouldn't cry.