Devoted to Secrets {Jimin x Reader} (completed!)

Ineffable

Her white coffin was decorated with beautiful bright flowers. I stood there, wondering how everything ended up this way. I, a man so confused, let this happen. Her life was torn away so quickly. I have no more tears left, but they will come back. I stare at the pearly coffin that keeps her body safe inside. She must still look beautiful. If only I could've told her sooner. My eyes blur once again as I look down attempting to hide this feeling deep within my heart. I am alone, with a single flower in my hand.

Once I place this on your resting place, I will be saying goodbye to you. I step closer and place a hand on your coffin. I want to let this flower wilt in my hand because I don't want to let you go. I would do anything for you to open your eyes and tell me a single word. Of hate, of love, of pain or happiness. It's time to say goodbye.

I reached out to place the flower on her coffin. The wind blew gently as the leaves on the trees brushed past my shoes. They too feel the pain. They too understand. My eyes cannot tell what I'm looking at any longer. My tears keep blurring me, blocking my view. How could I apologize to you and tell you it was all a joke? But yet you're here and my jokes lead us to be where we are. Open your eyes, my love. Let me prove to you that you're the one I've waited for. I want to save you.

********************

White and blank. I feel damaged. I sat up to find myself in a strange room. A hospital bed? (Y/n) where is she? Did I pass out? That dream.. I don't want it to be real. It was too real.

I stepped out into an unrecognizable hallway. As a nurse passed by, I stopped her. "Excuse me, where's the emergency room?" She looked at me confused. "Aren't you a patient sir?" "No. Well, I don't know. I brought (y/n) to the hospital because she- look. I think I just got too worked up and passed out or something. I'm okay. I need to know if she's fine." You were able to tell that the nurse was trying hard to comprehend the story. "If you passed out, I should check what your glucose levels were charted for. I'll check you in a bit after I check your file. What's your name?" "No! I mean, no thank you. I feel fine. I just need- you know what. Never mind. I'll find my way there." I said.

(Y/n) was the only one I cared for right now and I don't know absolutely anything about her condition. I don't even know how long I was passed out for while she was fighting for her life. She could be gone for all I know. I noticed my fast paced walk became a jog and then a run and my thoughts gained awareness. What if her mom never took care of the paper? What if it's too late?

I followed the signs and got to the emergency room, panting. My eyes desperately scanned the room for any recognizable faces to speak to. My eyes found two, then four other eyes I recognized. Her mother and mine. They were speaking to the doctor and nodded as her mother kept her hands close to her lips. I jogged to them as the doctor left them.

"Mom! Mrs (y/l/n)! I'm sorry! I was talking to the doctor and I don't know what the hell happened and I just woke up. I think I passed out but as soon as I woke up I came over here! I'm sorry I couldn-" "Jimin," her mother interrupted. "It's fine. Thank you for calling me. The doctors said she's stable now. I was just in time. I was able to have them authorize the surgery by phone. I can't believe I practically had to beg them. I'm a match for her blood so as soon as I got here, I was taken in to donate some to her. The surgery is still ongoing but the doctor said she's most likely to survive it now."

I felt all the pressure from my chest suddenly release when I heard that. It was the best news I had received in my entire existence. "Are you holding up okay? Have you eaten? You have to eat after donating. I'll go bring you something." I said to her mom. She only slightly smiled at me before I left to the hospitals cafeteria.

I wonder if her mother hates me. If she's blaming me for her daughter almost dying. Although I blame myself, I can't face her mother the same way anymore. She trusted for me to protect her and care for her and all I did was throw her straight into the opposite. I must accept anything that comes after this.

I stared at the vending machine as I stood in front of it in an empty room. The cafeteria was lifeless. It made me feel like the world blamed me for everything bad that has ever happened. The silence was comforting even in the worst deep feeling in me. Like it was protecting me from breaking down again.

I pressed C-3 on the vending machine and grabbed the snacks for (y/n)'s mom and mine. I wasn't hungry although I hadn't eaten all day. That's probably why I passed out in the first place and me getting upset didn't help much either.

I wonder when I would be able to visit her. All I could imagine is her hating the view of me. Her begging for me to leave. Her pointing her finger and blaming me for causing this. Her hating me and telling me how terrible I am. But all I want to do I hug her and tell her I'm glad she's okay. I want to be there every morning and tell her I hope she slept well. I don't want to tease and joke anymore. I just want to make her happy. I want her to forget this ever happened.

I took the snack back to our mothers and sat with them. The silence was excruciatingly painful. All I waited for was the doctor.
Hours passed and I still wasn't tired of waiting although my eyes felt heavy. The doctor came and wanted to talk to us this time. She always looked serious, so the news she had to tell was always unknown. "The surgery was a success." She said. I felt as if I could run into that room and drown her in affection.

She was so strong.

Her mother looked so relieved and thankful. "Thank you so much doctor. I'm grateful for your work." The doctor smiled at (y/n)'s mother and her genuine words. "No need to thank me. Your daughter has a lot of will and fought very hard. Now that she's okay, we will have to wait until she wakes up so that we can have a quick verbal assessment to make sure she's completely fine and then we'll let you know when you can see her. Since she's okay, you can all go home and we will let you know when you can come in." I bowed at the doctor as well as both our mothers. "Thank you so much doctor." I simply said.

We all went home with slight tension but gratitude and happiness overall. We went inside and I couldn't help but feel guilty being here. I still had to clean up her blood in the room. "Jimin I need to speak with you," my mom said. I could imagine what she wants to speak about. "Okay" I said as I followed her to her room.

"Why did this happen?"

"Mom, let me explain," I said, but she looked upset. "Do you think I did this?!" I said.

"Jimin, I don't know what happened but we told you to take care of each other, not let each other get killed," She said  seriously.

"Mom, please let me explain," I said in a hurt tone.

"Jimin no matter what happened, you weren't there for her and she could've died. They let us into their home and you pay them back like this?"

"Mom, I wasn't-"

"Enough Jimin," she said. It was clear she wasn't happy with me either. I nodded, accepting her decision and walked out shamefully. I couldn't even walk into my room without feeling guilty. I didn't hurt her, but I didn't save her either. If only I could turn back time and take it all back. I wish I could go back and save her.