JOSHLER •• I rely on you ••

Loved you first

* Flaskback •

Can you believe that we are actually being called on for so many festivals and even award shows.
Tyler shouted jumping on Josh's couch.

Josh smiled as he entered the door,
It's crazy ya know, we are just two boys with their confused music and people actually like it. Josh giggled.

I've never been so happy in a long time Josh. I'm telling you, one day, we will be the reason why kids like us smile when they realise they're not the only ones dying and living altogether.
Tyler said smiling softly.

I believe you. Josh says as he begins to loose himself in Tyler's smile. God, Tyler's smile could do things to Josh that he never knew he could feel.

Josh was in love with Tyler.

He was madly in love with him. The way Tyler swirls his hair with his fingers, the way he sings with his little ukulele, the way he wears anything he likes with no fear of being judged whatsoever, the way he has been through so much and is still one of the strongest people josh will ever meet.

He loved Tyler, every bit of him.

The happy Tyler shredding his ukelele on stage, the afraid Tyler crying on Josh's shoulder when he can't sleep cause blurry won't let him. Josh loved him. The good and the bad. In fact, he loved Tyler so much that he broke up with Debby cause of it. She could see that Josh was falling out of love with her but what she didn't know was that Josh was taking his highest fall with Tyler.

Jishwa!
Tyler shouted pulling josh away from his thoughts.

Um, yeah. Josh whispers.

What's up Josh. You've been acting weird, tell me what has been going on.
Tyler asks with seriousness.

There's- there's someone that I like. I just don't know if I should tell them yet. Josh whispers trying to hide his blush.

Oh. That's sick man. If you like someone you should just tell her ya know. Only an idiot would make a pass on someone as nice as you Josh. Tyler smiled and Josh looked away.

Josh was mentally preparing himself to tell Tyler that he loves him when his worse nightmare became his reality.

I mean, Tyler continued speaking.
I know that I'll tell Jenna that I want to marry her soon enough. Josh felt his heart drop as Tyler continued speaking.
I thought that it was just a casual relationship but then, something happened Josh. I've never felt something as strong as what I feel when I look into her eyes. She's the love of my life Josh. I know it.
I'll ask her to marry me soon enough. I just- I love her, Josh.

Josh had his back towards Tyler so that he could hide the tears streaming down his face. He wiped his eyes and in a swift motion turned to Tyler hugging him saying,
That's so sick Ty. I'm so happy for you. I know that she'll say yes.

Josh pulled away as he saw Tyler's eyes. He saw love. Love for Jenna.
Josh took a blow to his heart as he hugged Tyler and made an excuse to walk out the house.

It was pouring rain as Josh walked towards the garage and locked himself in. He took out his drumsticks as he banged his drums as hard as he humanly could. Tears were streaming down his face in full rage as he kept on playing the drums so hard that he felt like he'll pass out.
Josh cried the whole night and the night after that and some other nights after that. Josh couldn't get this sinking feeling out of his chest.

The love of his life just walked away.

Josh was sitting in the living room eating cereal as his phone beeped. It was a message from Tyler.

Tyler: JOSH!! JENNA SAID YES!!

Josh felt a numbness spread in his body. His hands were shaking and his eyes were full as he typed out,

"Congratulations Tyler. I knew she'd say yes. I hope you have an amazing life with her. She makes you a better person Ty.

Josh was sobbing at this point.

And one more thing, I love you Tyler. Best frens for life."

Josh didn't eat anything that day. He didn't eat anything for almost three days. He didn't sleep as well.
He just.. existed.

•• Wedding ••

" I do " Tyler says as he leans in to kiss Jenna.

Josh tries his best to fake a smile and not break down into pieces right there. He couldn't.

He swiftly sneaked out and went to the bathroom. He locked himself in and sat on the toilet seat with his face buried in the palm of his hands. Josh hasn't cried this hard in years. He was breaking but he knew that he'll have to be strong for Tyler. Tyler can't live without him and he knew that.

He buried his hand in his pocket and pulled out the silver metal that has been haunting his life ever since Tyler admitted he loved Jenna.

He swiftly placed it on his wrist as he cuts. He sits there, sobbing with a bleeding wrist till he gets a call from Tyler who was freaking out about his best man.

Josh got up, cleaned himself, placed a fake smile and headed out. He made sure that the whole ceremony was nothing short of perfect. Supporting Tyler, helping the Josephs and also giving a toast to Tyler and Jenna when all he wanted to do was die. Yes, Josh wanted to die but he wouldn't, for Tyler.

•• Four months after the wedding••

Tyler looks deep in Josh's eyes as he tries to control his tears.

Josh, why have you been cutting again? Tyler asks, shaking.

It's nothing Tyler.  Before Josh could finish, Tyler hugged him with his warmth.

I'm sorry I wasn't there.
Tyler said sobbing.
I'm sorry I wasn't there for my best fren when you needed me.

It's okay Tyler. I won't do it again.
It was just because of the anxiety of playing in front of so many people and also cause of Debby.
Won't happen again.
Josh lied, trying not to cry.

"Promise me you won't cut again. You know, if I see one more scar Josh. I'll cut myself as well" Tyler was sobbing hard.

" I promise, Tyler. I won't let you down."

"I love you, Josh."

"Love you too. "

"Always."
Josh whispered.