The Other Side

3 •"take me home"

I emptied the contents of my bag onto the sofa and grabbed a pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it. I rarely smoked, but occasionally I needed one. Just to calm me down. That was it, just an hour ago, I saw her. Lying down on the white piece of cloth. That was the last time I promised to see her. I didn't want to see her again, crying.

As I saw the white piece of cloth, I couldn't stand any longer, I fell to the ground crying out as my tears started falling down my cheeks. I desperately tried to stay conscious but I couldn't stand it. I left.

"I'm sorry, I love you. See you in your after life. I will always love you." As I whispered and ran away from her grave.

As I kept on puffing smoke, I kept on thinking about the last moments we shared.

When I snapped out of my almost catatonic state, I looked at the clock on my wall, I'd been here for almost 30 minutes.

The last moment I saw her was painful, painful for me. I learned alot today. As Kayle father said his goodbyes, Kayle mom slowly poured water onto her grave and everyone started lighting their candles. As for me, I just stood there looking straight onto her grave. I couldn't face the fact that she's gone.

It's been 3 god damn days and I'm still here not accepting the fact that she's fucking gone. At so many levels, I felt bad for myself, pity. Fuck. I layed down on my bed and blindly looked around. I wanted to cut, but when I do, I don't hurt myself only, I hurt others, my parents, my friends, my family. In trying to stay clean, but I can't. The temptation was too strong. Yet I still resisted it.

As I continued lying on my bed, I heard a distinctive clicking sound from the back. I knew who it was. John.

"Hey, it's been awhile, are you feeling ok?" As he said to me with a slight fear in his voice. "What do you fucking thing John?". As I said to him in annoyance.

"Do you want to see her again?" He asked. "No, I'm not ready. I don't want to see her ever. EVER! She left me. Its not my problem. She's better off". Yet this was a lie, down there, I knew I still wanted her, wanted to join her.

"Hey, dude. I will stay with you ok. We can hang out, we can watch movies, eat on the bed like those old good days"

"I appreciate it John, but now is not the time. I'm sorry."

All the time while he was talking, I didn't even got a chance to see his face nor did he saw mine. I didn't want to see how my face looked like, pain. I didn't want him to get worried and care for me, he has more important business to do, not take care of me.

At this rate, I just wanted to rot in bed wrapped up under all my pain. It's better off then telling my love ones I'm still in pain. I wanted to run. Just run.

As soon I thought of it, I knew I had to do something productive to show them that I'm happy although I'm not. At least, it would make them happy.

The next morning, I told my mom that I was going out. She smiled back and said. "Your strong Adam and you know it." Her smiled brought me back life. Mabey I can move on. I head out to jog and while I was jogging, I started hearing sounds, sounds as if someone was following me. Where I was running was just a small path way heading out to the forest, isolated. I continued running faster and faster. Then, I started hearing a woman's voice scratching through. At this point, I was panicking. My legs were wobbling and my hands started shaking. I felt mixed feelings, at one hand, I was glad as mabey, now I could join Kayle up there. As I started running faster, the presence disappeared. Drawn by curiosity, the "someone" had vanished and headed out to the forest. I followed the sounds he made. Out of no where, there was a blinding light.

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