Pina Colada || Dinger Holfield

v

"Dinger, Delilah, Dinger, wake up for a minute I need to talk to you guys."

"Bobby I'm asleep. I'm sound asleep Bobby. I'm dreaming. Apache women. Mai-taih's. Vannah White and a whip. Ahhh." Dinger smiled.

~~

"I'm in love." Bobby said.

"I'm up what did I miss? Did you burn the house down? Am I dead? Please tell me Rob Lowe is in heaven?" I sprang up from the bed.

They both looked at me. I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

"What?" I asked scratching the back of my head now.

"I'm in love." Bobby repeated.

"That could be a problem." Dinger said sitting up.

"I don't think you understand." Bobby was also sitting up.

"No, no I do understand. I do. Which hand is it this week pal?" Dinger said.

"Ew." I rolled over and closed my eyes only to be startled by Dinger almost yelling.

~~

"You're in love with Laine?! Laine?" He got up grabbing his cane. "Laine Diamond!" He was now walking around the room. "I can't believe what I'm hearing here Bobby. Are we talking about Jole's Laine? Hold on. Are we talking about Laine the one that looks great in a leotard Laine? Yeah great she looks fabulous in a leotard. She's Jole's. Have you forgotten who Joel is? Joel, Joel, psycho Joel."

Bobby rolled his eyes. I sat up a bit curious on who this psycho Joel was.

"Joel's gonna kill me. Joel's gonna walk in here and kill all three of us at the same time!" He yelled, eyes wide.

"Hold up Volvo boy, I'm not part of your little murder spree here."

"Yes, yes you are. You're Bobby's cousin, you're my friend." He was freaking out and pointing at a now annoyed, Bobby.

~~

"He didn't mean anything about Laine." Dinger was lying back down on the 'Bed'. "Just relax. Just-"

"Are you done with your Indian mating ritual yet?" Bobby interrupted.

"No, why does everything you say, ya know, why does it have to revolve around sex? Why? Why you so perverted?" Dinger had his arm over his face.

~~

"It has nothing to do with sex it has to do with the fact that I am totally in love with-"

"No! No. Look don't say her name alright. D- don't think about her don't talk about her. Get her outta your head." Dinger was sitting up and freaking out some more. My question is, who are they talking about?

"Okay." Bobby prompt himself up on his elbow.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"You promise?"

"Promise." Bobby said in a low voice smirking.

"K."

"Who are you-" I was cut off.

"Laine. Laine. Laine!"

"No. No. No!"

"Heh heh." Who's Laine?

~~

"What was that about heh sound Bobby?" We were all sitting up and staring at the wall, like idiot's.

"Heh. That's the way I laugh, ya know, heh."

"I'm surrounded by a bunch of rejected retards." I said rubbing my eye and yawning.

"What the hell is heh. Why can't you laugh like a man?" Dinger said.

~~

"You ready?" We were all sitting on Bobby's bed. Well, more like they were, I was laying down.

"No." Said Dinger.

"Let's go." Bobby sounded eager.

"Let's get pizza." My stomach growled. It was like 1 in the morning and we had school tomorrow.

"Alright." Dinger put shades on.

"1, 2, do do do." Bobby started.

"Bow bow nar nar, nar nar." Dinger was using his cane as a guitar.

"Oooh, our life is tough." Bobby had sun glasses on too. As did I, Dinger tried giving them too me but I refused. He ended up just putting them on me while I was laying down.

"Dow dow, nar nar." Please shut up.

"Money, never seems to be enough." Bobby you can't sing, just give it up.

"Bow dow, nar nar." This is stupid.

"And if I could have, oh just one thing." You know what, I think I'll just play along with.

"Bow bow, nar nar-" I cut Dinger off.

"Holy God I wish you could sing." They both threw a pillow at me.

~~

"No, keep going. G- gi- gimme, gimme more than that." Now we were sitting down, staring at each other. Once again, like a bunch of retards.

"I flunked every grade in school." Bobby sighed.

"Marvelous, so did I."

"And you're proud of it?!" I smacked my forehead with my hand.

"Pennyless." Bobby looked down.

"Give me something better than that." I grabbed a pillow closes to me and screamed into it.

"Ok, uh, my parents don't even talk to me." I actually felt hurt. His parents talked more with him than mine did in a whole year.

"Yeah? Well at least your mom didn't run over your leg with her Volvo, right? Mine did." You could me over in her Volvo right now.

"Yeah, but see my mom doesn't go into spasticated seizures once and again." Ooh, that was a 3rd degree burn.

"That's rude mister." Dinger pointed his cigarette at Bobby. Wait, when did he pull out a cigarette?

~~

"Dog fight?" Volvo boy asked.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright."

Bobby breathed in through his nose deeply. They started growling and snorting at each other. It was disgusting, they grunted and stuck their tongues out. Dinger eventually pulled back, hand fanning the air because of Bobby's breath. I laughed.

"Are you guys done with your little Chihuahua fight?" I asked laying down.

~~~

And with that the story begins. Ok I might, might, post another chapter today idk tho. Oh whale. Stay gold.