Wreck the Halls

Happily

I hate fairytales. Fairytales go from bad to good. From once upon a time there was chaos, to they lived happily ever after. I hate fairytales because at one time or another in any child's life, they believe them to be true. That you live happily ever after. Here's the truth of the matter: Once upon a time they lived happily. And then there was chaos.

Let's start with happily.

"Here's your coffee, hun." Ellie kissed me on the head and handed me a nice hot mug of my favorite morning beverage. "What you working on?" She leaned over my shoulder from behind the couch.

"Presentation. Almost done. Possibly a few adjustments needed, but then again, I highly doubt it." I straightened out my papers and took a sip of coffee.

She sighed deeply, not the typical way of "giggling" at your husband, but everybody's different. "You've been working on anything else?"

"No, just this. Staying on task, hun, don't worry."

"You sure?"

Now she's just getting nosy. I know she wants me to do my best, but can't she just trust me on this one?

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have acted so sure, Ellie."

She nodded and slipped away. I got back to work. With all the blood, sweat and (as much as I hate to admit it) tears, I was positive I had this presentation in the bag. There's no way these guys wouldn't love me for this. It was just smooth sailing from this point on.

Smooth sailing. Why does that stick out so much to me? Is that a figure of speech? Am I that good that I just made up my own saying? Sailing. . .sailing . . .

"Oh no," I shot up out of the couch and darted to my bedroom. I fell down on my hands and knees and peeked under the bed. Reaching out, I felt around underneath until my hand finally felt something other than dust bunnies. I grabbed it, slipped it under my coat and walked calmly out the door.

"Oh, Ellie!" I smiled a little, "Can you come here for a minute, baby?"

Silence.

"Ellie, hun! I – need to talk to you."

Still no reply.

I peeked around the corner into the kitchen, but there was no sign of her. I looked in the living room, still no one. I looked all around the house until finally I actually looked at my watch. 3:30. Ellie was already at work. Guess that means I need to get ready too. I'll just come back to this later.

My shave was just right, my suit perfectly fitted, my shoes just a spit shine away from being brighter than my future.

"Alright, Richard." I stared myself in the eyes the way my dad used to before I went to school, "You have this." I pointed at myself like I was Uncle Sam recruiting for the army. "Knock 'em dead, you flawless son of a gun."

Needless to say, the presentation went perfectly. I even received a standing ovation, countless pats on the back and only one yawn (in my defense, the guy was pretty old, and life in general probably wears him out). I'd go into further detail, but to save time, I determined I would just state the inevitable: I succeeded.

"Success! Yes! Yes! Yes!" I punched my fist up in the air, my eyes squeezed tightly shut.

". . . where to, sir?" The taxi man looked at me through his rear view mirror.

My face was sore from smiling, blood rushing up through my cheeks. "What about Successville! Oh wait- I am Successville!"

The Taxi Man stared at me as I danced a little more, "Where to, sir?"