Choices {Phan}

Mistakes {2}

It's been a week since I've seen Danielle. At least I can talk to Dan. He's probably so sick of her. Unless we're making a video, she's all I talk about. I'm surprised I haven't accidentally tweeted about her, or mentioned her in a video. I don't know why she won't return my calls. Maybe she's busy with her work, or she went on vacation. I don't know. I don't think she's blowing me off though. We really hit it off last week. Or at least I thought we did. I mean, we kissed. Do people always do that on a first date? Because, I rarely ever do something like that. Was that a date to her?  We only just talked and learned about each other, but I felt like I'd know her so much already. Like I'd known her for years. I don't know why, I just did, so I kissed her. I know that's a lame excuse, but I don't care. If you like someone, you kiss them. It's as simple as that. Right?

"I hope I'm not annoying you, Dan," I said when he entered the lounge.

"No, Phil. You could never annoy me. She seems like a wonderful person, and you deserve to be happy with her,"

I looked at Dan. His eyes, didn't seem like his. They weren't a deep, dark brown for me to get lost in. They weren't full of happiness, even though his voice implied they should be. Instead, they were shallow and seemed depressed. I know eyes don't have emotions, but with some people, you can tell.

"Dan?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Are you really happy for me? Like, really? Because I know I've talked about her non stop and I can stop doing that if you want. It's just, I thought you'd understand,"

Dan sat next to me. He looked hurt.

"Phil," He said. "Of course I'm happy for you. I do understand. I was the same way when I met Fi-. Never mind that. I'm not important right now. This is about you, and I completely understand that she's all you want to talk about. I don't want you to ever feel like I don't understand, or that I'm not listening to every word you say,"

He looked at the floor in front of us. I looked at his cheeks. Red. Was Dan..blushing? Why was he blushing, though. Was it just a heat of the moment thing, or did Dan actually... I know he's bisexual, but I thought he'd like someone else. Why did I never think he'd like me? But I mean, over the past few months, he's been acting strange around me. He was looking at the floor a lot when we talked, and he's been going out to get things for me a lot. Like the other day, he left the house just to get me a box of Kleenexes and a bottle of Ribena. He could have just wanted Ribena, but still. I could have gone and got my own tissues.

"Hey Dan?" I asked. I decided I was going to be bold and just ask him.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"H-how long?" I asked.

"H-how l-long what?" He asked. He seemed nervous.

"How long have you known?" I was trying to ask without asking, but the look of confusion on his face told me I wasn't doing good enough. "Like, how long have you known,"

"Oh," Dan said. He seemed to understand now. His cheeks were a bright red. "I-I,"

He was flustered. Was it good that I asked him, or did I make a mistake? Well, I guess I'll make another mistake. Sorry, Danielle.

"Dan," I said.

"Yeah?" He had tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

We had virtually no space between us. I leaned in and our lips collided. I didn't know if it was right, but for a second, it felt like it did. But I don't know. I mean, it's Dan. My best friend for 8 years. I don't even know if I'm gay, or bisexual, or anything like that. This kiss was short, but not quick. Does that make sense? It wasn't long, but it wasn't rushed. That's better. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. The deep brown, and happiness factor was back. I didn't want to see that go away, but what about Danielle?

"Dan," I said. I knew I sounded sad, and I was. What if this ruined our friendship? I couldn't let that happen.

I think Dan knew what I was about to say, as he nodded and quickly ran to his room. I felt bad for him, really I did. But I guess it was kind of my fault. I was the one that kissed him.

I was debating wether I should tell Danielle when I got a text;

Hey Phil! Sorry we haven't talked in a while. I've just been super busy. I'm free now if you wanna talk.

It took me a second to figure out what I was going to say, but  I knew I couldn't tell her. I didn't want her worrying over nothing. I'm not gay.