Dear daddy,
You weren't the perfect dad but you still were my #1. After every sly comment about my uncoordinated body and just my body in general I changed how I thought of you although my love for you never faded, not once.
I thought I could blame you for everything that has happened; my eating disorder, depression even mum not trusting me, but unfortunately I can't blame you forever. There comes a time where you just have to wipe the slate.
You'll never be the 'perfect' father... but who is? I am by no means the daughter you wanted. I don't mean that I was a mistake and you see me as a failure, I mean that I'm sure when you held me for the very first time or saw my ultrasound pictures, you didn't imagine someone quite so broken.
You didn't see a tomboy or a teen with severe social anxiety and you didn't see someone a lot like you when you looked at newborn me. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter you had dreamed of.
I see the way you talk and look at my older sisters and I get furious. Because why... why have two perfect daughters and then have three more who will never live up to them.
There's no word to describe what you mean to me, the mix of hate and love combined. There's nothing I can do to repay you for what you have done to me. You gave me a home but not a safe place. There's no way to regret being your child, what's done is done.
I'm so sorry to make you sad and disappointed. I'm sorry I'm just another thing you have to take care of until I leave home. I'm sorry that I get mad and break things, I am too much like you in that way.
In the end I want to say A massive thank you and sorry. I have one promise for you though,
"I'll make you proud someday..." :)
