The Fault In Our Mary Sues

Daniel Kowal by Anime_lover2017

Yet another OC by the beautiful Anime_lover2017 .

Fandom: Twilight

Basic Information Section:

Full Name: Daniel Kowal
Nickname(s): Dan
Gender: Male
Species/Race: Hybrid
Age: 105
Birthday: November 2, 1900
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

The only thing I want you to do here is perhaps explain what Daniel is a hybrid of. Like, is he half vampire and werewolf? Half human, half vampire?

Personality Section:

Personality: Anti-social, shy, non talkative

Like your last OC, you need to add a little more here. Also, just to let you know, there is a little bit of contradicting traits here. Shy means you're nervous in social situations, but anti-social means you're (usually) aggressive in those situations. Non talkative also means that you don't like to talk (I know, shocking), so you might want to fix this.

Likes: Reading, writing, math, hunting, and art
Dislikes: Crowds, loud noises, dogs, and people fighting with people

Maybe you can explain why he doesn't like dogs? And maybe also spice up this part. It's a tad lackluster.

Hobbies: Playing the piano, drawing, painting, shooting
Dreams: piece (peace)
Good Habits: n/a
Bad Habits: drinks, smokes, and gambles
Strengths: Judo, archery, shooting
Weaknesses: Family Members

To avoid going down the "Anti-Sue" route, add some good habits. The bad habits are actually pretty good. Maybe you can explain why he likes to paint and how he knows how to play piano? And, finally, when you put "Family Members" under weaknesses, I assume you mean in a positive connotation.

Family and Friends Section:

Parents: n/a
Siblings: n/a

Having unknown parents and siblings in a story is okay. However, on an OC form, you should probably put their names because they do exist even though they're unbeknownst to the characters.

Other Relatives: David Kowal (son), Skyler Kowal (granddaughter), David Jr. (grandson)
Best Friends: Carlisle, Esme, Edward
Partner/Lover/Spouse: Delainy Michelson (OC)

This is all fine, other than canon connections. However, again, just having that does not make him a bad character.

Backstory: Daniel was turned by his mates father in Chelm, Poland as he was dying of Testicular Cancer. He moved to the states with him soon after that.

That's a pretty cool way of being turned, since it's pretty common in the Twilight universe as it seems. However, just like your last OC, you need more. Explain how he met his wife, Carlisle, Esme, Edward and have a reason for why his personality is what it is. A backstory usually corresponds as to why their personality is to what it is.

Appearance Section:

Hair Color: Blond
Hair Style: short, messy
Eye Color: gray with flex blue

What do you mean by "gray with flex blue"? Gray eyes with tints of blue? Vice versa?

Skin Tone: pale
Weight: 200 lbs.
Height: 6:7

Other than being extremely tall, his weight and height are good compared to one another.

Body Shape/Type: buff, tall
Scars: n/a
Tattoos: Angel Wings (on his back)
Piercings: Blue snake bites

Pretty cool.

Public/Main Attire: black jeans, black t-shirt, black leather jacket, Doc Martens

So when does this timeline take place? Is it different from your other OC's? Is it at the same time?

Affiliations Section:

Occupation: tattoo artist
Boss: n/a
Co-Workers: his son

Thats actually really cute. A father and son business is a good idea.

~

I'm beginning to notice that your OCs don't really have too much detail to them when it comes to backstories and personalities. However, we all start somewhere, and this OC might be even better than your last. I bet, that one day, you'll be able to make an OC that will be amazing. You got a little wats to go, but you're definitely on the right path.

Mary Sue-ness: 4/10
Original-ness: 8/10
Accurate-ness: 7/10