Sometimes I'm almost positive my mind is just one big blurred heap of confusing, slowly fading and darkening, never ending labyrinth of nothingness. I would have put that all into the chapter title, but I don't think it will fit.
It confuses me when people do things you don't understand what they are doing it for, because their lives or your life seemed perfectly fine before that.
Or when you think you know someone but they still seem so distant at times.
It makes me sad and blurs my thoughts when I'm surrounded by friends and people, but on the inside you feel just as lonely as you always are.
I don't understand, and don't think I ever will understand, why life has to hurt you by making you feel like the happiest person in the world at times, but one small misstep, one slip that makes you lose your balance on a tightrope, can break your happiness and leaving you clawing at the walls closing in around you, and all hope seems lost.
Also, why is being a teenager so comfusing? It's no different from the rest of your life, other than you're going through your mid-aged years. But yet it doesn't make sense. You have so many questions that the world doesn't bother to answer. Like, should I cut myself, should I try to drink away my troubles, why does my mind come up with these kind of things, is this normal to think thoughts like this, would anyone actually care if I died or is that just false thoughts given to you to prevent you from doing that? Like I said, so many questions, but never any answers.
My heart seems to have been replaced by a void, but I suppose that's ok. Born with a void, hard to destory with love, but built with a heart, broken from the start, and destined to die slow.
Love, anger, hope, alive, good, well, sickly, ill-minded, cold-hearted, humble, sympathetic, enchanted, mildly depressed, butter, afraid, confused, love, hate. All words that run through my head on a day to day cycle.
It seems now that every morning just moves towards night, every day is just part of a timed cycle destined to end eventually and die along with the person it's connected to.
Sometimes our flame goes out, but others eyes still only see the light that was once there. Sometimes you become so caught up in your own world, you forget how sad you really are, and then when you come back into the real life you are living, you find yourself sad and alone.
Sometimes we die, but our hearts still beat until we can carry the weight above us no longer.
