Illuminated ~ Stucky {{AU}}

11

Being that it was the day before Christmas, Bucky didn't have to go to work. But even if he had to - he wouldn't. Wallowing in self pity and self loathing, he'd tossed and turned on his bed, in uncomfortable sheets, and cried. Why? He didn't know but came up with a bunch of reasons; he was alone for Christmas again, he had a chance at having someone around, he blew it, he made a new friend and lost them, he was an idiot - and the list went on. Night was infused with day, and he couldn't tell the difference behind his drawn blinds. When he woke up, his phone buzzed with Merry Christmas messages from family over seas and long lost friends he'd remembered, especially from Natasha, Clint, and Sam. They'd sent photos of them all together with family, wishing him the best.

He didn't feel the best.

At moments in the morning, coffee steaming in his untouched cup, Steve would find moments to think about the loneliness surrounding the apartment. No longer angel touched by light and laughter, suspended in silence, he'd wander the streets as if he were a lost tourist. What did he become? What could have they become? Bucky was right, they didn't know each other truly, they were strangers. But some piece of him made an exception saying that it was the beginning of knowing him, but what was he to say now? It was too late.

Sulking over the Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday messages, and his heart would beat a second faster hoping one was from Bucky with a flimsy photo attachment of him being surrounded by friends at a party, and him being drunk off his ass, and just being happy. None of them were. He'd figured Bucky had found some friends to hang out with and ditched his phone behind somewhere, and that worried Steve. What if Bucky was somewhere he didn't want to be? What if he needed someone to just sweep him off his feet again, and take him away and he wasn't there? The most he could do was sit by, and wait.

Looking at Bucky's contact folder on his phone, he sighed heavily, and hovered his finger over the paper airplane to send. It was a message saying I hope you're having the best Christmas, and don't drink too much eggnog! :) He'd been staring at the unsent message for a while now, and giving another sigh he dropped his phone on the table. What was the point? Reconnecting the severed bond, that was the point. Sending it, he stood up, and sulked into his bedroom.

It was like this for a while, Christmas Eve, and Christmas day had passed. There was no reply to any of the holiday messages or calls and voicemails. Days had begun to pass, and with every little hour spent they'd gradually gotten on their feet. Steve went to work every morning and afternoon as usual, painted for and with the class - and they'd noticed his painting looking a little sad on the neutral colors and blue sides, but they were still so beautiful and captivating. Bucky had gone out for walks, work having been cut since promises of a heavy snow fall around New Years.

With every snow fall, inch by inch, they'd watch it fall and wish the other the best through fogged windows, and wrapped in blankets, New Year's Eve was the next day, and Bucky was just walking into his apartment when his phone went off. His heart did a little jig, and he pulled it out. It was a requesting video chat with Natasha and Clint. He put down his groceries into the kitchen, and answered it after the long wait.

"Hi!" They sung, seeing him on the other side. "Bucky! We miss you!"

He smiled, leaning his elbows on the counter. "I miss you guys too." He sat down at the table.

"I hope you got our picture. We visited Rome today, went on a tour through the Sistine Chapel. It's to die for. You have to come with us next time."

He smiled wryly, and felt his heart hurt a little again with loneliness. "Definitely."

"So?" She smiled, when Clint promised he'd go take a shower, and disappeared. "What'd you do for Christmas?"

He scoffed, "Nothing."