A Million Reasons(CAMREN)

Five

Love.

It's such a funny thing. How do you even know when it hits you? I don't think I've ever been in love. Not with Selena, not with anyone. But what is it that I'm feeling? Maybe it's just attraction in the deep end, or maybe it's just lust. Camila sparked something in me, and I don't know what it is. It can't be love, can't it?

Everyone around me seems to be happy. My mother, my father, my siblings. Everyone seems to have their lives figured out, yet I'm here, trying to figure myself out. Everyone is happy, but when will it be my time for my happily ever after?

I snapped the final picture of the city lights and begun to walk towards the small rustic looking bar at the end of the street. The environment was full of rich smoke and intoxicated with alcohol. I made my way to the bar tender.

"Bourbon Ricky," I said loudly for her to hear me over the music. She nodded, and started preparing my drink. I watched the people around me talk. I watched as women talked mindlessly amongst each other, and men look at women up and down disgustingly. The bartender tapped the wood in front of me. The drink rolled down my throat perfectly, stinging just enough to enjoy the smooth taste of the bourbon. When I finished, I placed the glass down, and asked for another.

-

"Another." I slurred.

"I think three is enough, sweetie."

"You think wrong." I answered.

"Look, I know you have your senses straight right now. It is better if you get going now and come back another day." I sighed.

"Fine." I got up and removed my wallet from my back pocket. "Oh shit." I looked at the bar tender. "I forgot my money." She rolled her eyes. "Can I leave you my car keys? Ill walk home and bring you your money-"

"I expect you to be here tomorrow," The bartender said. "Go home, kid. It's getting late." I looked down at m y watch. Twenty till' eleven. I thanked the woman and walked out of the bar. I began to make my way back towards my apartment, the cold not bothering me anymore. My lengthy conversation with Lucy had reveled two things to me.

Number one: I like Camila.

And Number two: Somethings, such as Camila being able to heal my leg after a hard fall, can't be explained.

I love walking around the city at night. There is something so serene about it. The sounds are more filtered, the lights are brighter, and my thoughts are louder. This city cannot compare to Miami. Not even on it's louder days. I walked to the edge of Central Park's walk way, and waited for the light to change to cross the street. I had never been in this side of the city yet, as strange and unlikely as that sounds. Never have I ever been the type to explore even though that is how people often see me. It was not until I was in front of her building that I realized where my body had taken me. I know I should not be here, yet here I am.

Indecision.

Another funny word. The thing about this specific word is that there is not only one set type of this. Indecisions about love, indecisions about living conditions, and indecisions about going after a woman who is not even over her ex. The one thing I have learned about indecisions, however, is that they are created by fear. With one final hand run through my hair, I marched towards the apartment building's doors and yanked it open. The smell of luxury and class was prevalent. This was nothing close to my apartment building. It is not cheap, or not well kept, my apartment building was just a tad down the chain.