Assisting Miss Adams (GirlxGirl) NEW VERSION

Twenty-Four

I wanted to believe that I was asleep and this was all a dream.

It would be easy to pretend. Nothing had seemed real to me on the drive up. My brain was in a steady daze as my thoughts swarmed around my head, refusing to grant me any mercy. And I had always been the one to expect the worst. Tonight wasn't any different.

As I walked through the hospital doors and asked about my mother the body trembles became stronger. My hands shook at my sides. My heart pounded against my chest. It was taking every ounce of self-control not to freak out in the elevator while I watched the floor lights ascend. Then they opened.

It didn't take me long to spot Shawn outside the room mom was in, talking to one of the nurses. I suddenly realized I had no idea what had even happened to her. Shawn had been too distraught to even mention it over the phone.

Then my brother spotted me. He looked really distraught, and this only made my anxiety worse. How bad was it?

I put my hand on the door of the room but hesitated. "Shawn..."

"She had a minor heart attack," he informed. "But she's stable."

A heart attack¸ I told myself. My mom had a heart attack... But she was alive and would be okay. It became a little easier to breathe.

Since my hand had fallen from the door Shawn took the lead and opened it for me. The smell of hospital rooms was always the same. Sterile and dry. It reminded me of the time I had ended up in the same position on Thanksgiving.

Then I saw mom lying in bed, dad right next to her holding a conversation. Both pairs of eyes looked up at me and Shawn when we came into view.

Another nurse then popped her head into the room. "Mr. Carson? I need you one last time for some paperwork."

My dad stood and my brother decided to accompany him. They both exited the room.

I stood at the foot of mom's bed, watching her watch me for a few seconds. At first I had no idea what to even say in a moment like this, but mom surprisingly broke the silence.

"Sam," she mumbled, her hand fell on the chair next to her bed. Did she want me to sit next to her?

I moved to the chair dad had been sitting in earlier and leaned closer.

The relief I felt knowing my mom was okay made me want to break down and cry. Expecting the worst of every situation made you think of some seriously messed up scenarios. But mom was okay. I had to keep telling myself that.

My hand slipped into hers that was resting on her chest out of instinct. The warmth of her body reassured me things would be fine. The affection let me know things were different now. Something had changed, and I could feel it in this room with us.

"You're right," she stated, catching me off guard.

"About?" I questioned.

She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. Was she trying not to cry? I had seen my mom cry maybe a handful of times in my life.

"What I did to you... What I made you feel... It was so wrong," she confessed. Her voice trembled. "And when I think about it now I can't find a reason to justify it."

The sadness clenched around my heart. Megan's words from New Years rang in my head.

"It's not your fault," I assured.

"Yes it is." She paused. "I pushed you away... I tried to change you."

Everything she said was true but in this moment I couldn't even blame her. She was in a hospital bed for Christs' sake!