Destined

chapter 10: darkness

*Ruby*

This chapter isn't for weak hearted people, if you are of that nature then I am warning you before hand not to read this chapter, read it on your own risk.

Next day I when I woke up, I was disoriented, I couldn't remember what exactly happened to me previous night, everything was so blurry, it's like my mind was stopping me from recollecting the thoughts.

But after a moment of calmness, a sob broke through me, when I remembered everything, about him breaking my heart, me crying in rain, my mother finding me in mess, the look of pity in Rashid uncle's face, and fury on my father's.

I remember my mom, trying to console me, I remember every expression on her face, from betrayal to hurt and then to pity.

I guess I could handle anything but their pity. I didn't need it. I wanted justice, I wanted him, I wanted my happily ever after, I wanted my happiness with him.

But I knew I wasn't getting anything now, I now knew life is cruel, that it doesn't give us want we desire, it is always full of surprises, sometimes good and sometimes bad.

It has its own way, its own path to follow, its own rules, and we all will kneel in front of fate.

We plan and plan for days, months and years, but once your destiny interferes every little dream of yours will crumble. It will be turned to ashes, to nothing.

And it doesn't even give you any warning, it doesn't knock before coming it just comes like a Strom it is and destroy all your hopes and dreams,

It will destroy you to the point where you will forget to differentiate between reality and dream, it will snatch all the opportunities, it will leave you with a blank page to either start new or to tear it to the pieces.

No matter how hard you fight, how brave you are, how much wealth you own, or how powerful of a person you become, you are nothing in front of your destiny, you can try, you can always put a good fight, you can always entertain it, but it won't budge, it won't let you win. Instead it will mock you and your silly anctics.

Whoever said, that whatever happens , happens for the good, must be delusional or they must've never experienced the dose of destiny, otherwise they wouldn't have said that.

I could feel my eyes swollen, hear the cry of my heart, I didn't need stethoscope to hear this time, I could feel agony of my heart, the heaviness and burden it's carrying.

Just like that all my thoughts started taking a different way, the kind of way I never wanted to experience ever in my life.

My brain started showing me different scenarios to end this pain, to make my life a little better, and the irony I actually wanted to try them.

I could see myself injecting the heavy dose of morphine, feeling numb, dulling the pain, stopping the agony, and slowly going into deep slumber and never waking up.

Or the scenario where I wanted to slit my wrists with scalpel, feel different kind of pain, wanted to know which would be more severe, to feel the blood dripping out of my body, painting me and the floor, showing some bright colour other than grey,

Like that different type of scenarios kept playing in my mind, filling me with more darkness, but I sort of started liking it.

I could feel the venom of hatred taking with in me, seeping in my veins, filling every inch and every pore with in me, making me go insane, and reckless.

I started questioning my sanity then, a part of me knew it's wrong but I couldn't bring myself to fight against it, I didn't wanted to fight against it, I wanted to welcome it.

So with that determination I got up and went in to the bathroom, after searching every cabinet like a insane I had become I finally found it, something which I knew would make me feel better,

The darker side of me started to win, whatever the small voice which was whispering me to stop vanished completely.

I started to smile, because I knew it would change everything, it will end my sufferings, it would make me feel better and at peace.

I always criticized those who chose this path, but now I know why they did that, it's not weakness or insanity, it's something beyond that, it's just the way to cope with the emotional pain, for which no scientist has ever discovered anything.

I was about to cut it, to end it, I could feel the tranquility, I could see the darkness , the numbness,

But before I could do it, I wanted to take some happy memories with me to the other life, I didn't know what it held, what terrors I would feel, so I wanted to carry some good with me, I didn't want to die bitter.

The first memory surfaced was of my parents, about the time when they were looking after me in my sickness, the worry and their anxiety, the way my mom cried just because I had some fever,

My brother who at that time thought I would die, so he never left my side, the look of terror on his face, the constant reassurance to himself,

That was enough to bring me back to my sanity, I felt like someone had poured cold water on me, it brought me back some of my sanity,

And at that time I realised I couldn't do it. I was a coward, I couldn't even end my own life, I didn't want to imagine what my parents or brother would feel if I took this decision, I don't think any love, pain or heart break will be able to even compare with the pain I would have inflicted on my family. No one is above them.

I guess ever person before committing this mistake would get that moment of weakness, if they find something worth living for they would fight against that insanity and will come back, but some who has lost all the hope would succumb to the darkness and their lives.

_rebel ridz

Well this is the first intense chapter I have ever written, if you feel it is insane then vote. If you ever had these sort of thoughts then you can comment here and share your experience. This was my experience.

I would love to know yours.

Take care

Love'yall