Death Wish

Part 22

I sat quietly with my normal group, adding Verlayne, in the Pit but said little. My eyes were still red from earlier but no one questioned it. It wasn't strange for there to be tears after the simulations. If anything, it made me seem more normal, but that felt like a bitter benefit.

I picked at my barely eaten chicken and green beans. My eyes were unfocused and listless as I half listened to my friends.

A small part of me was still worried that if I blinked wrong or fell asleep, that I would wake up back in that fear simulation. Even though I wasn't talking, just being around my friends and seeing their kind and real faces made me feel a bit better.

"I never thought I would say this but, I would rather still be doing physical training than these fear sims," Ryan announced as he took a sip from his cup that was half full with orange soda.

"I agree, the Sims always feel so real," Rency said with Matius nodding in agreement.

"They fucking blow," I mumbled from the side but everyone heard me.

"Yeah but least you're good at them. Or at least fast. It takes me like fifteen minutes to get through mine," Deitrich pointed out kindly, making me smile softly.

If only he knew.

"Yeah, your doing amazing. Keep working like that and I am sure you'll crwck the top three," Rency added with a bright smile that I like seeing. I thanked her.

"Yeah, what's amazing is that she is going to knock you right out of Dauntless," Frankfurt's condescending voice said to my right. Irritation swooped in, temporarily replacing my general misery with anger.

"What's that supposed to mean," I questioned, looking up at him as he leaned into our table with his palms pressed against the table top.

"I mean you do have the quickest times in the fear sims" Frankfurt pointed out with a knowing smirk. "What's your trick?"

"I don't have a trick asshole, fuck off," I snapped coldly, prepared to punch him if it came to it. I was too out of it to care about the consequences. And beating him up again may take my mind off my fear at least.

"Oh c'mon, you can tell me your secret," Frankfurt goaded.

My jaw clenched tightly. "Don't make me break another tray on your face," I nearly hissed.

Almost instantly, Frankfurt backed away. Putting himself out of range from my food tray.

"Ok fine, don't tell me your trick," Frankfurt complied with a shrug of his shoulders as he put his hands up innocently. "But you should at least tell your friends though."

I said nothing and only glared at him from the corner of my eye. He took that as his cue to finally leave. I promptly went back to moving the green beans on my plate back and fourth with my, disregarding Frankfurt's spiel. I kept my eyes trained downwards, hoping the table would just continue talking without me.

"So Ferris... uhm, what is your secret then?" Matius asked curiously, with no accusation in his tone.

I looked up in surprise only to see that the whole table was already looking at me. My skin suddenly felt tight at the sudden attention and my heart rate picked up rapidly.

"I don't have one," I said back a little too quickly.

Matius didn't look convinced.

"I mean, Frankfurt has a point, you are the fastest and by a lot, the second best to you is Emer and she is at nine minutes," Matius pointed out.

Verlayne nodded. "Yeah, so how do you do it?" Verlayne inquired further.

The way she asked made it seem like she thought I was lying to her. It reminded me of the kids in Candor who used to pick fights with me.

"I don't have a trick. I already said that," I replied, my patience waning. If only I could just tell them I was a Divergent without incarcerating myself.

Verlayne's brows scrunched and she looked at me with disbelief.

"But you must have som- All You guys shut up! She already said she doesn't have a trick," Rency interrupted quickly and I mentally sighed in relief.

It was quiet for a moment and Ryan did his best to break up the awkward tension by making some sort of joke that I didn't quite hear. But I could still feel a couple of eyes linger on me.

For a split second, I felt like I was sitting on the floor of my home in Candor. The weight of their cruel eyes boring into me, revealing my secrets and hurting me. A flash of panic ran through my body.

"I-I have to go," I announced suddenly, standing up to leave.

No one questioned me as I headed to Four's and I's meeting place.

I needed to figure out these Fear sims and I needed to figure them out soon.