Samurai: Asai Kyou

Task #6: Owari

Kyou sat in his tent on a rug, staring at the ground. There was nothing inside his soul. Nothing at all. No love, no pain. He was void. No, perhaps that wasn't true. No one was ever truly void. There were scars inside, and he was drowning. Drowning in the confused jumble of feelings that lurked just beneath the mask he had put on to hide from others and himself.

The flap to his tent opened, and Natsumi-chan came in, her eyes red from crying. Tears dripped down her cheeks. Once this would have alarmed her brother. Now it barely pricked his conscience. He didn't need to ask why she was crying because he'd already heard, but he asked anyway.

"Ishiyou nandesuka?"

She walked over slowly, still silent as tears slipped down her white face, leaving tracks in the powder she wore. The darker tone of her natural skin showed through in those areas. Kyou stared at her, wondering if he ought to repeat the question.

"Ishiyou nandesuka, anata wa tazu? Subete! Subete, Asai Kyou-san! Watashino kokoru tsubureru desu!"

She doesn't know why I asked her what's wrong... And everything is wrong? Her heart is crushed? I didn't realize Naoki-san meant so much to her...

Kyou looked away. "Gomen'nasai."

"Gomen'nasai tarinai dearu!"

"Sore wa watashi ga motte iru subetedesu!" Kyou snapped.

He had nothing else besides an apology to give. He couldn't bring Hojo Naoki-san back from the dead even if he wished to from the bottom of his heart. It's too bad that sorry isn't enough. It's all I can say...

Her hand struck his cheek before he knew what had happened. Her lower lip trembled as she snatched back her hand, wrapping her arms around her middle as she sank to the floor with gasping sobs. "Daikirai, Asai-sama."

She's never told me she hates me before... I really messed up with her, didn't I? Still, what did I do? Kyou stared down at her, his fingers rubbing at the stinging skin of his cheek where she'd slapped him. "Nande? Nande, Natsumi-chan?"

"Iie! Sore o yonde wa ikenai!"

Great, Kyou thought. She hates me, refuses to let it go, and still won't tell me why. "Nastumi-san..."

She got up, her jaw tight. "Watashi wa anata ga ko no tame ni shinu koto o nozomu!" Without another word, she turned and fled from the tent.

Kyou stared at the flap, which swayed in the soft breeze coming from outside. The grassy floor met his gaze as he looked down. His own sister wished he was dead now too. Was there no one who understood the choices he'd made? Was there no one who would accept him and help him despite the sins he was now beginning to realize he'd committed? Her words shattered the masks, adding to his burden at the same time, and all the pain he'd been pushing back came rushing in. Hot tears prickled his eyes, and he let them fall, quietly gasping as he keeled over, allowing himself to let go of the storm of emotions.

***

"He died trying to protect us, Kyou-kun," Hiroshi-kun whispered, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder as Kyou lay on a mat in the healer's tent.

His neck ached right along with his heart and the rest of his body. The fight with Oda-san had done its vicious part in destroying Kyou. It was just the final nail in the coffin he'd been building for himself.

"Kyou-kun, Naoki-kun died trying to save us. Will you not let go of your anger and resentment toward him now?"

Kyou turned his face away as the emotions swirled inside of him, unidentifiable and toxic. He didn't know what he felt anymore. Did he still hate Naoki-san? The situation and everything that had happened had yet to be explained. However, it seemed that maybe things weren't what they had seemed. How should I feel? Kyou wondered.