Phan Songfics

White Blank Page

Can you lie next to her

And give her your heart, your heart

As well as your body

And can you lie next to her

And confess your love, your love

As well as your folly

And can you kneel before the king

And say I'm clean, I'm clean  

Filming lights, especially the ones Phil used in his videos, are really bright, so bright in fact, that Dan always felt as if he were going blind when he stood in front of them. He forced his brown eyes to focus on the lights as Phil talked, accepting the pain gratefully in an attempt to end the numb tingling he felt. Phil grinned as he talked, those pale, elegant hands Dan loved so much moving like mad as they normally did when he was excited. God, how Dan hated listening to him right now, every word that left Phil's lips stung him like the small but uncomfortable prick of a needle at a doctor's office.

" No, Dan and I are not together. Paisley makes me very happy,and  I just hope you guys can except that." Dan winced at the passion in Phil's voice, and wondered if Phil would marry this girl, and if he could survive that.  

" Yeah, and it's not like Phil and I would ever get together," Dan choked out " we've never been anything more than close friends." 

 Tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

Oh tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart 

A tapestry of music and light assaulted Dan's senses, but none of that matters in this exact second, because Phil is getting really close and he's cornered and-and. And why is he backing away? Why doesn't he want this?

It doesn't matter if he wants this, his back is against the wall and he's tilting his face toward Phil's.  All too fast, they're together, and his fists are clutching at Phil's shirt as their lips move together, and god, this is better than anything he could've expected when they went out that night. He never knew he wanted to be close to Phil in this way, but when his hand's clutch at his waist, he finds there was nothing he wanted more. 

" P-Phil," he asks  as Phil kisses down his neck " what d-does this mean?"

" Nothing." Dan flinched but he couldn't bring himself to pull out of Phil's embrace. 

 A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage

You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink

You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections  

Dan woke the next morning with an insatiable hangover and a pathetic crush. He often wondered how one night could change his best friend's kind nature, but Dan just wasn't a priority after that. In the week that followed, Phil announced Paisley on YouTube and seemingly forgot that night, and Dan. 

" I think we need to delete our joint channel." Dan's head shot up, terror filling his eyes. " Don't look at me like that, Daniel, you know I've been considering moving on with Paisley. Surely you didn't think this could last forever, did you?" 

" Since when have you called me Daniel? Tell me, Phil, where has my friend gone? Did I ever mean anything to you at all, or was I just a stepping stone?" Dan feels a depressive satisfaction when he sees the hurt in Phil's eyes. 

Tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

Oh tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart  

Phil's relations with Paisley seemed to transition into overdrive after Dan had said his piece. Phil moved out the next week, and Dan found that he was okay. He was in love with a man that left him, and a part of him would always be with that man, but he knew he wasn't conquered. If Phil wanted live a lie, well that was his decision and his mistake. It burned, when he was flooded with comments after Phil deleted all of his channels. All anyone wanted to know was where Phil Lester had got off to, but even Dan didn't know. He hadn't known Phil for months.

But with time, Dan proved he could be successful without his partner in crime, and Phil Lester merely became another mystery of the great web. 

There were whispers of fan girls who refused to give up hope, but they had no grounds to hope when even Dan himself had forgotten about the heartache that was his true best friend.

 Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

Oh, lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life  

It was an inconspicuous video, but the channel was not. Dan nearly choked on the tide of pain that swept his vision away, as Phil pulled a sparkling baby girl onto his lap. How happy he looked, starring into her soft blue eyes so much like his own. 

" Hey guys! I know it's been a while! Five years to be exact, but I'm incredibly excited to be back, and I know little Monica is excited to meet you." It was a thirty second channel trailer, and Dan's heart twitched when he saw Phil move the small girl's arm in a waving fashion. 

AMAZINGFAMILY, Phil's new channel, had gained just over a 100,000 subscribers in the first twenty four hours. Despite the intense pain it caused Dan, he couldn't help but be happy for Phil and his new family. Perhaps at the end of the day, Phil really hadn't felt anything at all for Dan.

A/N: I quite like this one, even though the ending is literally my worst nightmare. They're not always gonna wind up together and I like that this scenario shows that.