Next To My Heart (Zarry AU)

Part 11

Harry wakes up early after a fitful sleep, the restlessness from last night seeming to cling to him like a second skin. It's too early to get up, but he does it anyway. Mostly because he knows he isn't going to fall back asleep, and the almost hour he could get wouldn't do him much good. And it just so happens to mean he won't bump into Zayn. Not that he's avoiding his neighbour. He could use some alone time, is all. Not seeing Zayn definitely isn't a motivation to leave early.

As soon as he closes his apartment door behind him, he knows it is.

It's oddly quiet on his way down, and he doesn't have anyone to talk to about how chilly the morning is when he shivers after stepping outside. Already he misses Zayn's quiet chattering about the bad grades he's going to have to return today, to which Harry has to remind him it's just a part of school and doesn't make him a bad person. Then it would be his turn to talk, about anything, while Zayn watches him with that travel mug clutched in his hands. Always the travel mug. Zayn gave him a sip of his coffee once, but it was too strong for Harry.

Harry starts, realising he's been standing outside, lost in thought. Missing Zayn, who would probably be getting up and ready now. With heavy feet, Harry heads towards work, trying to cheer himself up with the thought that it's only one morning. Everything will be back to normal tomorrow.

Apparently his sour mood shows, because as soon Cassandra walks in and sees his face, she's all up in his business.

''What happened?''

''Nothing,'' he says, moving a snoozing child over to the pillow corner. There's no use trying to keep them awake.

She follows him around. ''Doesn't look like it.''

He turns, trying to soothe his expression into something more neutral. ''You dyed your hair black,'' he ignores the way she rolls her eyes, ''it looks good.''

''It's my natural hair colour, of course it looks good. And don't change the subject.'' She pushes him into a corner, away from the children, even if their tiny ears couldn't pick anything up with how softly she's speaking. ''Did something happen?''

''No?'' Harry isn't sure if his late night realisation qualifies as something happening, but he also isn't too sure what his realisation was about. Okay so he knows what it's about, but not how severe it is. He's on the spectrum of like with Zayn, but too afraid to admit where exactly.

Cass blinks at him, takes a deep breath. ''You're early.'' As if that explains everything.

''I know that.'' He also knows he's being a little shit. She's only trying to be nice, but he can't help being difficult about it.

''No, you're early. You haven't been this early since... When was it that Zayn moved in?''

Harry shrugs. ''Two months. Ish?''

''It's been two months, and now you're early again. Looking like this.'' She takes his hand, squeezes it softly. ''I'm worried.''

He tugs on her hand, pulling her in for a hug. There's something soothing about her perfume, the way her small hands rub against his back. ''It's not just a crush anymore,'' he confesses. They don't break up the hug, just talk into the air, chins resting on shoulders. It's easier for Harry like this.

''Do you think you're in love with him?''

There's that word. Love. It makes him nervous, because for him it means long term, means it's serious and that he's not getting out of it unscathed. It's going to hurt, more than it hurts right now. She must sense the way his breath catches, because she squeezes him tight. He doesn't have to say it; she already knows.

''I'm sorry, darling.'' She pulls away, rubbing his arms up and down and smiling brightly. ''Why don't you go play with the kids?''

Harry nods. ''Thanks.'' He feels a large part of his sour mood slip away when she kisses his cheek and shoves him in the direction of the play corner. There's room for him at the doll house, and he gladly joins in with the children, complying when they make him play with the grandfather doll because he has the best voice for it.

They're totally right.

*

On his way back home he can't help but notice how much lighter he feels. Children will have that effect on you. And Cassandra, because she's awesome. She can go from obnoxious younger sister to loving older sister in a heartbeat, and always knows which one you need the most, even if you don't. Harry is lucky to have a coworker he gets along with so well. He can't imagine what his job would be like if he had to work with another person. Probably not as fun.

Things worked out pretty well for him. He's got a nice job, great friends, a roof over his head, and enough money to eat. It's only pretty well because he also is in love with a person who might as well be married. Sweethearts since high school tend to stick together, especially when they've been together this long already. Maybe he'll get over Zayn and find someone else, but he doesn't know how he's going to do that. He's not exactly the dating around type; he prefers to get invested in a single person, get to know them properly. It takes up so much time and energy and he's tried it before.

Eventually, things will work out. He tells himself this as he opens the door to his apartment building, with his heart in his throat. He feels raw, like he'd been badly burnt and is still healing. It will take some time for everything to settle. Then he'll be back to normal again. He just needs to-

He doesn't know what he needs.

Nor does he get to think any further about what he needs, because he's only halfway up the stairs until he runs into the very person he has been avoiding. Although avoiding is probably a strong word. More like 'conveniently did not run into.'

''Harry!'' Every time Zayn says his name it makes his heart skip a beat. It's such a ridiculous reaction, but when it comes to him, Harry just can't react normally. Even the hand Zayn placed on his arm to stop him is something he's painfully aware of, like an itch that keeps calling attention to itself.

He swallows and conjures up a smile. ''Hey, Zayn.''

''I missed you this morning.''

Harry wants to say I missed you too, or I miss you all the time, but he can't. Zayn probably doesn't mean it the same way. ''I woke up too early. Not on purpose, though.''

Zayn laughs. ''No, of course not.''

''How was your day?'' Harry asks, because he's genuinely interested and doesn't just ask to be polite. And also because he can't come up with anything else but basic conversation ideas, since his brain is still stuck on the I missed you this morning.

Zayn seems to hesitate, teeth sinking into his bottom lip and eyes travelling down the stairs. ''Actually, I was just heading to the market.'' It kind of sounds like a suggestion. Harry would be a fool if he didn't take the opportunity. Okay, he's a fool already, but not all the time.

''I could go with you. I need stuff.''

''You need-'' Zayn looks at him with that expression, the one that says 'you're weird but I like you'- ''stuff?''

Harry nods fervently. ''Yes, I need stuff. Need it all the time.''

''Then you should probably come with me.''

''Excellent thinking.'' Harry watches Zayn walk down a few steps before joining him, grinning wider than he probably should. It suddenly dawns on him what he needs. The thing he couldn't think about earlier, because he was interrupted.

He just needs Zayn. Period. If he has him, as his neighbour, or his friend, things will be alright.

More of pining Harry! That was chapter 11 already. It's moving so fast :( Next one will be up tomorrow, as promised!

Till then xxx <3