When Winter Falls

xxv. and at the end of all your lines

HER

It was just her and Dan all over again. A few hours later, the three boys had grown a little too hungry and driven to the nearest McDonald's, and it was just the twins in the hospital.

"I thought it was my fault, you know." Julia broke the silence, setting down her mug of hot water and glancing at her twin. "Your...accident."

"I can't imagine what you had to go through, Ju." He bit the inside of his cheek. "I just - I don't get why you keep blaming yourself for everything that happens. When I lost that badminton game once, you went around for days wearing a 'it's my fault' paper cap. And when Dom lost a chance with a horror movie, you said you 'scared' the casters away. Why does it always have to your fault? The world doesn't revolve around you."

"I didn't say the world revolved around me, but I did revolve around you two." She stated, a confession that shocked him. "So, whenever something went wrong, I couldn't see you mope around anymore, thinking you weren't enough for it. I tried to take the blame upon myself. Because getting yelled at by strangers by lying I'd stolen your racket and worn Dom's voice out by making him sing along with rock music was easier than watching you look like zombies and giving up on everything else."

"I," he sighed, "didn't know that."

And when she saw his face fall in guilt, she once again took the blame for him - that she was being absolutely irrational - and talked to him about the only thing she could think about then, Lance Taylors.

"Lance," She called, a few hours after, standing outside the hospital with a promise that she'd be back to visit Dan again. "Do you want to go to the sea now?"

"Uh, uh- yeah, sure, of course, Jules." He smiled at her, and no butterflies surfaced in her stomach, instead a kind of calm happiness spread through her and she impulsively intertwined their fingers before pulling away, red blooming in her cheeks.

She opened her mouth to apologize, but her eyes widened and a grin embraced her features when he returned the gesture with a warm heart. "I'll call for a taxi."

"No need, "and he was already tugging her to the road, "there's one right here. Taxi!" He waved his free hand widely, and the driver flashed him a hand in acknowledgement, stopping next to them. "Amor beach, please."

"Gladly, get in, kids." The driver said and they sat side by side, with her looking out the window.

"It's going to take us fifteen minutes. That's a long enough drive. I like long drives." She remarked, tracing the outline of a heart on her sweater.

"And I wish I had a post-it right now."

"Why's that? What is it with you and those colored 3M products?"

"Back in middle school, I was very forgetful. I used to miss all the homework and tests and things people used to say. The only things I remembered were the photos I took because I saw them all the time. This girl, you actually look a lot like her, noticed that and she stuck post-its of everything that happened that day in school on my photos, requesting to borrow them from me. And she'd also pen down things I'd repeatedly say to myself so I'd remember them. I got used to them, it was very sad that she had to move to another school when her brother left...or something like that. She was starting to become my friend." He reminisced, slumping further into the taxi's leather seat.

"Wait, you're that Grey? As in Greyson Taylors? Is that you, Lance?" She exclaimed in pleasant surprise.

"H-how do you know that?"

"Because I'm Alexandra. Thought it'd be a good name to go by when I joined Violana Middle School. No wonder there's always something about you that seems familiar."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Never thought I would meet her again- uh - meet you again, I mean."

"Greyson," she whispered after a few minutes, still looking out at the Manhattan city, when she realized she knew who the real him was then. There was no need of Greyson, even though he was a part of the boy she had grown to like. "Lance."

He looked at her with a dazzle in his eyes "Yeah?"

"We're here," she said, but she didn't know whether she meant the sea or the feeling of home.

And they were stumbling out of the yellow cab, hugging themselves, feet sinking into the warm sand of Amor. Lance lead her to the waves, making them waver on the sand with a mere inch left between their feet and the water.

"The sea is a lot like us humans. So calm, yet so dangerous if provoked." Lance's eyes wandered about as the waves danced, rising and falling with their every breath.

Her breath quickened soon, though, irregular pulse throbbing on her left wrist and she turned to see him sideways. He was watching the waves, humming the tune to How Far I'll Go, and something in her heart overflowed onto the tip of her tongue, begging to break free, the way her poems spilled out of her soul, "I think - I th-think I like you, Lance."

He seemed to be paralyzed, as if she'd managed to cast a spell with those words, until he broke into a triumphant laugh and kissed her forehead, "You fell, Julia."

And she tripped backwards when he ended his lines, wanting to run, because if that's the first thing he'd had to say surely it was all he was thinking about. She wasn't ready for love if it meant rejections that felt like this.