A Light in the Life

Chapter One - The Great Lorelai?

Disclaimer: I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

A/N: Hi GG orphans, this is my first fanfic, I mean EVER. Just like Rory, maybe I don't know what I'm doing, so feel free to teach me. I know I should probably be looking for something else to do, but screw it, I want to share my crazy thoughts with you. I hope your madness matches mine!

xxx

It's been eleven weeks. I thought it would be harder, but I was still feeling the same. I always heard how pregnancy was a gift, but it didn't sound real to me. Not yet. I was still having a hard time on figuring out how I ended up like this. Life was always pretty good to me; I used to have the biggest dreams of the world and many opportunities. No one would guess that I would be pregnant at 32, unmarried, unemployed, aimlessly.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I used my time scouring the past. My mother still kept an old box with my childhood things and I started with it. I felt weird sitting on the bed where the dreamy girl inside me used to sleep,sleep; now that we were two different people. Most people still keep retained the old me image andimage inside their heads of the girl I used to be, not can't see how I am now., Jjust another woman with nothing special in the world, making me feel more guiltierhopeless.

After telling my mom last week, I had burst into tears. Saying it out loud for the first time gave it a sense of morbid finality. I knew that Lorelai loved me regardless of what I did and would support me anyway she could, but I couldn't shake the feeling at I had disappointed her, even though she would never admit it.

My mom had sacrificed her life for mine and I knew that she didn't want this for me. She would like me to follow the right steps: a stable career, a strong marriage, a welcoming home, and then, a baby. In my mind, the day itself would be sunny and I would call her to share the happy news. In the loving embrace of my husband, we would build an amazing life together for our child. She wouldn't want me to go through the struggles of raising a child alone like she did. Thinking that I'd ruined everything, was driving me crazy.

I knew that life wasn't always rainbows and sunshine, but I was foolish enough to believe that mine would be. The frustration of not being able to control every aspect of my life despite my attempts was overwhelming. It's It was humbling in a sick and twisted way.

We didn't talk about it since she left for her honeymoon with Luke. In fact, I didn't know if I was ready to yet. I couldn't talk to her, Lane or...Logan.

If I were in a similar life crisis months ago, I would probably be calling him. When I needed to feel safe, I'd call him. When I needed to talk about my fears and problems, I'd call him. Though most of all, I called him when I wanted to feel loved. I thought about calling reaching out to him several times since learning that I was pregnant, but it didn't feel right thrusting myself into his life like a wrecking ball.

I could never understand how my father abandoned me when I was born nor could I understand how my mother felt raising me on her own despite knowing where to find him. Sadly, I now am the same spot as her: terrified about having a baby coming from a complex relationship where I didn't even know if it was real. Having no answers was enough then, but not anymore.

The only difference between our situations was that Logan had s Odette, the flawless heiress his family always wanted. She hads long legs and a Hollywood smile. Probably always shaved in important places — everything I could never be.

Thinking about the scenario stirred an awful feeling in my stomach. I had never felt loved by Hayden's grandparents. I was the outcast bastard after all, a constant reminder and stain to the family. To them, my only function was to ruin the life of their beloved child. A loveless relationship was not what I wanted for my baby. I wouldn't let him feel how I did. No child deserves that. I really believed that the Logan I knew was different from his family, but he gave up making his own choices.

I haven't begun to show yet, so I at least have more time to decide my course of actions. I'm not like Adaline, but I had time; not a lot, but some.

Needing to unwind, I decided to take a long shower. As the hot water fell on my dizzy head, I made a mental list of things I should do. I was starting to relax when an annoying ring interrupted my thoughts.

I cursed. I just wanted to be alone right now, though I idly wondered who was would be coming visiting to the house, as everyone in town knew my mom and Luke were traveling. I wrapped myself in a towel as fast as I could and exited the bathroom still thinking about who this visitor might be.

Halfway to the door I realized who this person was. Stopping for a moment, I contemplated ignoring the door. She would be mad at me for sure, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with her right now.

I decided to check to make sure and I headed to the door as silently as I could and looked through the peephole. I was right and I prepared to back away.

"Rory, quit hiding. I can see your feet!" she called. I sighed and reached to the doorknob.

"Hi, Grandma," I said tentatively, opening the door. My cheeks burned and my eyes darted across the room refusing to meet with my grandmother's.

I'd been avoiding Emily since I learned of my pregnancy. I didn't have the strength to tell her and I couldn't bear seeing the look of disappointment on her face. I loved her, but I couldn't deal with the family drama, and surely there would be some.

Her brow was raised slightly and she stared coldly at me. "When were you going to tell me?

"What?" I cringed.

"You're pregnant!"

A/N: You see that pretty box staring at you? Come on, click it! :)