Antilove

Ventisei

CAPITOLO VENTISEI

to get things right

***

ALMOST EXPECTING IT WHEN she wakes up, Rose is noiseless as she peers over her couch. Lucien's in the kitchen, using the cutting board. Even without seeing his hands, Rose knows just how fast they can be.

    Images of the night before rush back to her. Feelings, scents, and all things attached to memory. It leaves her staked to the couch, not knowing what to do now that he's here in daylight. In all situations tied to the night before, never has one left her stunned into inaction.

    Shaking it off, Rose gets up, but not without catching Lucien's eyes.

    "Morning," he says.

    Bordering familiarity and yet unfamiliarity, his voice makes her body react in unimaginable ways. He's real. As real as can be. Any doubts of it dissipated like the California rain. Even at times like these, his character's questionable but right now, his presence is cemented.

    Throat parched, Rose tilts her head down in acknowledgement, before heading off to the bathroom. After closing the door with a firm click, Rose does the daily routine she did before Lucien even came into her life.

    When she's on the final step, she turns cold. Last step was always pills. Ignoring the itch spreading across her skin, Rose makes do and swallows two Advil, hoping to calm the rising heat in her body.

    Rose doesn't bother changing out of yesterday's mess of an outfit and walks down the short hall to see Lucien plating.

    "There's really no need." Her voice cracks as she says this. For her sake, it's been awhile since she's spoken with Lucien.

    Not paying her any heed, he continues to garnish the frittatas.

    "You know I'll hardly eat two bites of that," Rose continues.

    "Just let me take care of you. For fuck's sake." Lucien pauses for a second, back to her.

    Even in her recovery, Rose takes in the soft cotton of his black shirt, and the way his broad back slopes to his hips.

    "I don't need your help."

    Handing a plate to her, his face is set with a stony stare. "It's not about help or being helpless, Rose. It's about my being a good person. I know you'll manage without me. I know you're strong, and you're capable but I also know right now, in this whole world, you need someone to talk to. And you haven't been doing that lately."

    "A good person?"

    "I don't have to be good. But I don't have to be bad either."

    As if that's the final word, he gets the forks and walks towards the dining table without another word, without a doubt that Rose will join him.

    He sits first, and motions for her to join him. It's commanding in the most inexplicable way. This effect of his has never made quite the appearance until now.

    "Rose." Lucien reaches out and she retracts her hand from the table.

    Feeling not unlike a petulant child, Rose takes a bite out of her frittata. Keeping her gaze steady, she takes a look at him. His eyes are still that unmistakable laguna green, framed by thick lashes. His mouth is curved but not in a way that suggests he's enjoying this.

    "I'm sorry." He breaths out. "For last night. I didn't mean to yell at you."

    "I didn't mean to break down but I did," she says.