Antilove

Diciassette

CAPITOLO DICIASSETTE

and to go out with a bang

***

THE LOW STATIC of Rose's mind breaks when her mind snaps out of autopilot.

    Water from the shower is pounding on the floor and steam is rising from the ceramic tiles. The bathroom looks post-apocalyptic. There's knocking from the door that Rose's back is pressed against.

    "Do you need help?" Lucien's asking. Another shadow passes by the small slit at the bottom of the door and she hears him whispering to Josh.

    Her medication is laid down on the floor, tipped out of its orange container. Rose's first recollection of this familiar bottle is at least two decades old. It runs in the family.

    Lucien knocks again and she says she'll be right out. Scooping up the pills and breaking them apart from their coherent circles and patterns, she pops it back into their home and turns the water off. Before heading out, she runs another makeup wipe around her eyes and smooths lip balm over her lips.

    Before Lucien moved in and before she started interacting with her roommate, Rose would never come out of autopilot until the next morning.

    It would be wake up, eat, work, shower, then sleep. Maybe Amber noticed once in a while but Amber would only drop by and make her dinner, never asking what mood Rose found herself in that day.

    It's not until she smells the pancakes in the kitchen that she realizes how empty her stomach is. It's been a while since she's last eaten.

    "How are you? Whipped cream? Strawberries? Chocolate syrup?"

    "Whipped cream and strawberries. No chocolate. Butter too," she tells Lucien.

    The more Rose looks at Lucien, the more tense she starts to get. There are no lines to his face which remains perfectly still as he slides two pancakes on a plate and douses it in ingredients.

    Four bites in and she gives the plate back to Lucien, who's cooking up the rest of the batter. He looks like he wants to ask her a question but Rose goes back to her room to pack for her day. The door closes shut and she looks up.

    "What, Lucien? I'm about to be late for work," she says.

    The smell of his cologne infiltrates the thin atmosphere of her room.

    Rose stares back at him even as his green eyes send chills down her arms. Lucien walks closer and he loses the edge in his jaw and softens it to a small smile.

    "Are you feeling okay?"

    "No."

    Her blunt response does nothing but make him blink.

    "Rose, I..."

    "What, Lucien? I already told you that I'm going to be late especially since I have to take the highway. So say it and let me go."

    "I care about you and you're obviously not okay."

    She instinctively flinches and diverts her focal point to the space between his eyes. It's a trick her friend taught her the first time she was sent to talk to the principal. A deep sigh rises from her lips. Lucien seems to catch it.

    "I'm not okay. I'm okay enough to function but my head hurts right now. So, Lucien, if you care about me, can you get me two aspirins?"

    Rose adds a smile to her question and he complies, but not before brushing his hand along her hip. He comes back soon enough to watch her swallow the two round tablets with a swig of water. Some miss her lips and trickles all the way down her neck.