Everything Wrong With Me: A Series Of Short Pieces About My Life And Struggles

I've gone missing

     The first time I moved, I was too young to understand what was happening. It was the summer after first grade, and I had no idea that we were moving. It just happened. I never got to say goodbye to my wonderful friends. That makes me mad at myself. I feel like they hate me. I left them, and I didn't tell them, or bother to contact them at all afterward. That part of my life was over. Now, I have moved yet again. This time I knew. This time I could prepare. I didn't want to leave at all. I loved my school, and I loved my friends. I grew up with most of them, and now I had to leave them behind. I made a promise, to not only my friends, but myself: "I will never cut them out of my life. I could never....but what if I already have? I never see them anyway. What if i've cut them out of my life, but i'm just holding on to the idea of them, so it seems like I haven't"  I promised them that I would always be there, but all I've heard from them is that things have gotten worse now that I'm not around. I was always the one to make sure no one got hurt. Now my friends are getting bullied and it's all my fault. I'm not there to protect them. Friends, if you're reading this......I'm so, sorry. I'm sorry I'm not there to help you. I so desperatly want to hear someone familiar call me "Cassy". Cassy. Its so wierd to hear that, let alone type it. Especially since Cassy has been dead for quite a while. Nobody noticed. Not even me, and I am who she was. Except I'm not her anymore. All I am is the disgusting outer shell of who she used to be; Cassandra.