Everything Wrong With Me: A Series Of Short Pieces About My Life And Struggles

is there anything that can be done?

A kid from my school killed himself yesterday. There's 3 days left of school. Barely anybody showed up today. And those who did are grieving. The library is set up with counsellors for people who need to talk. Yearbook sales have suspended for today. A thick fog of sadness has settled upon the school and it's only 7:45. I didn't know him. I knew who he was, but I never knew him personally. I don't have the right to grieve over someone I didn't have any connection to. I see all these people walking around school sobbing either in large groups or by themselves. People that I know. People that I had no idea had a connection to this kid. People who I never thought I would see cry, or at least cry this hard. I see all these people grieving like this, and it makes me think about all the times I've thought about killing myself. The times I've gotten close to it. Would people react this way if it were me? They might, and I would never know. That's heartbreaking. I have never seen a group of teenage students be as silent as they are today. I've never seen teachers look so sad and far away. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to go talk to somebody while I have the opportunity. While there are counsellors here and everything. But that's not for me. That's for the people that knew him, the people that are grieving. Plus, what if they think I'm doing it for attention. This kid killed himself, now suddenly I'm gonna "get help" for my "suicidal thoughts". And then my mom would probably get a call, and I can't do that to her. Recently I've been okay, but I've felt myself reach the climax of my happiness, and start the descend back to my normal, depressed state. This whole thing sure brought me down a lot quicker than I was anticipating. That could be been me. Or my sister. Or my best friend. Or anyone. And there's nothing we can do about it.