Elsa

Twenty

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

I'm on my feet clapping as Jack receives his degree. He looks down at me from the stage and winks, and I smile. As soon as the ceremony finishes and everyone rushes to find their graduate, I come towards the stage. Jack jumps down and catches me up in a hug.

"Congratulations," I say as he spins me around.

He takes me by the hand and we walk through the crowd, congratulating others as we pass on our way to his car. When we get there Jack yanks off his cap and gown, panting from the heat.

"Whoever designed this stuff needs to be sued," he remarks. He reaches in the driver's side and pops open the trunk, and throws his stuff in the back. I open the passenger door and slide in, and after a few seconds he does the same. When his door shuts he looks over at me and smiles. "You ready?"

I click my seatbelt. "Let's go."

We drive off. We have to make a few stops to fill the car or stretch our legs, but we're there before midnight.

Jack turns off the car. We sit in silence for a second, staring out the windows. I take a deep breath.

"You okay?" Jack asks me.

I nod and get out of the car. My house looms above us, surrounded by evergreens. I haven't been back since I left for college almost a year ago. I've changed a lot since then. Jack's changed me.

It takes a second for me to fiddle the key in the lock and get the huge door to swing open. I didn't know I was shaking until Jack put a hand on my shoulder.

I walk into the grand hall, knowing every crevice, every crack, even when it's shrouded in darkness. After a second I reach for the light switch and the chandelier above flickers to life. Most of the bulbs are dead, but it's enough.

"Wow," Jack breathes. "This place is amazing."

He walks forward, looking through the archway into the living room on his right, then turns and peers into the dining room on the left. Huge windows allow the moonlight to stream in. He heads for the staircase straight ahead, but I can't move.

I can hear my sister's voice in my head, laughing as we play hide and seek in this big house. I can see my mother tucking blankets around us as we sit in front of the fire. I can smell the huge turkey dinners we had at holidays.

The last time I was in this house, I still hadn't let go of all those things. I still felt like it had all been my fault. It was my fault that they were gone, that these walls towered over me and made me feel like I was alone in the universe.

Jack turns around and sees me. He comes back over to me, not saying anything, just wrapping his arms around me. I bury my face in his shoulder, taking shuddering breaths. He leans over and whispers in my ear, "You're not alone." He pulls back and tilts my chin up. "I'm with you now."

I squeeze my eyes shut. It's too late to stop the few tears from squeezing out. Jack wipes them away.

"Come on," I say, taking his hand and going towards the staircase. "I'll give you the grand tour."

We walk upstairs. I show him my old bedroom, my sister's room, the library. The office where my father worked. We return to the first floor and see the master bedroom, the kitchen, and the two rooms he'd already peeked in. We end up in the living room, sitting on the couch in front of the dead fireplace. The house is freezing, but neither of us are bothered by the cold.

"It's been so long since..." I trail off. It takes a second for me to gather my thoughts, and I sigh. "Since I thought about them without feeling so... scared." Jack rubs my back, and I lean against his shoulder. "I've never remembered them and smiled. Their memories have always made me afraid- that I'd do it again, that it actually was my fault-"

I don't say anything else, and I sort of expect Jack to say something, to try and smooth it over, tell me that it's not my fault and everything's fine. But he doesn't. He just sits there silently, rubbing his hand over my back.

It's more comforting than him saying anything. I'm able to acknowledge the fact that my ice has made things happens. I can't guarantee that it will never happen again.

But when I let it go, I can move on.

I curl up next to Jack, breathing in deeply.

The cold makes the entire house creak, and for a second I think that maybe we should build a fire. After all, we have that enormous fireplace for a reason.

But, I decide not to.

After all:

The cold never bothered me, anyway.