Beginning. // z.m. au [discontinued]

Chapter 20

3005 | Childish Gambino

"...Wouldn't that be nice? I think it would be, but Louis says otherwise. What do you think? It's not too much, right? Or maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe I'm—Jan, are you even listening to me?"

I was pulled away from my own thoughts by Kat's voice calling out to me from where she sat across the table between us. Her eyebrows were raised curiously, sitting at the top of her forehead as she glanced my way. Her eyes trailed down to my hand, briefly watching on as I locked my phone until they were back on me, looking me in my eyes once again. I blushed from the look she was sending my way, almost as if she were silently chastising me just by looking into my eyes, as if she were attempting to communicate with me telepathically but it just wasn't working out quite right.

"Will you stop checking your phone every five seconds already? Everything is fine."

"Sorry, sorry," I shook my head, trying to compose myself once again and focus on what was happening in front of me right now instead of wondering what was going on back home. "I just—I'm not really worried about anything, I'm just—I just miss her so much, y'know? Like, we've only been out for like two hours and I already miss her, s'that weird?"

And Kat chuckled sweetly, sending me one of those looks that made me want to blush a lot more than I already had been and hide myself away from her gaze with the palms of my hands. She chuckled and she cooed at me, reaching over give my hand a quick squeeze. "It's not weird at all." She voiced her opinion, instantly making me feel a lot better about my emotions. "I was the same way my first time being away Oliver. But trust me, sooner or later you're going to be wanting these days to yourself so you better enjoy them while it lasts."

"That sounds awful."

"I thought the same thing, now look at me." And Kat grinned all big and wide, shrugging her shoulder nonchalantly like she didn't have a single care in the world. "In all seriousness, though," she then said. "It just makes it that much better when you come back home and you get to hold them in your arms again."

"Oh my god, we sound like such parents." I may have groaned, but deep down I knew it felt really good to say. It wasn't so bad after all.

"We are parents."

"Wow, that sounds so weird to say." Sometimes life still didn't feel real. Sometimes I couldn't help but think that I was dreaming most of the time, that I'd wake up again and this would all be over, but I was glad that it wasn't. This was a pretty good life I was living so far, if I did say so myself. I wouldn't trade it in for the world even if I could.

"Sorry," I apologized once again when the conversation seemed to die down a bit just because I couldn't quite help myself. "You were talking to me about your wedding plans and I'm ruining it by pining over my own kid."

"You're not ruining anything, Jan." Kat managed to send me one of her best smiles, and really, every smile of hers was her best and I still couldn't understand how she did it. Maybe I'd question her about it one day. "'M just rambling anyway. I don't even think I know what I'm saying myself."

"I couldn't imagine planning out a wedding. It seems like it'd be a lot of work. Besides, I think I probably would've just agreed to anything Zayn suggested and he probably would've done the same to me, too. We wouldn't have gotten anything done."