Why can't you just get out of my head?
Even when I finally find someone else and actually let them in, there you are ruining things again.
It doesn't matter where I go
You're always there in some way.
Everywhere I look I see you.
I see us.
I rember what happened.
I remember falling for you.
I remember you letting me hit the ground.
Over and over.
Now I'm the one that doesn't sleep.
I can't put my trust in anyone else because of what u did to me. What you did to them.
Every time she tells me she loves me there's a part of me that refuses to believe it because you used to tell me the same thing. Every time we talk about our future I never believe it because me and you used to say the same things.
I never get my hopes anymore because I physically can't handle the disappointment and hurt. Not again.
I always tell myself it's not going to last, that way if it doesn't work out it won't hurt so much.
I hate being this way.
I hate keeping my distance.
I want to believe in this but I just refuse to let myself.
I get anxiety over stupid things like her holding my hand because I haven't held anyone else's hand since I held yours.
I hate being this way.
Why can't I get rid of you.
Even your sent sends me straight into a panic.
God I wish I could forget you.
I wish I never loved you, because I'll never be able to fully love someone else now.
Thinking about you makes me sick.
Seeing you kills me inside.
Seeing your new toy wear the necklace pisses me off even though it shouldn't.
Why?
Why cant I get rid of you?
I want to love her but because of you I can't.
I can't kiss her without thinking to myself "don't get to comfortable, she'll leave eventually."
I can't feel happy without thinking about the last time I was happy with you. And it kills me.
Why can't I just get you out of my head.
Why do you still ruin my life when your not even in it any more?
Why does my heart ache when she tells me sweet things?
Why can't I just be okay?
Why can't I just love without any worries?
For fucks sake why can't I just walk into my backyard and not think about the nights we spent back there and the kisses we shared?
March 1st will forever be burned into the back of my brain, slowly killing me and eating away at my soul.
But I will get passed this.
I will learn to let people in again.
I will learn to trust again.
And I will learn to love again.
YOU ARE READING
poems
Poetryso I used to write poems so I decided to publish some of them here. This was a really bad time in my life but I'm glad that I'm past it now and I learned from it. I have also written some new poems in here.
