Minds of a Killer

Punishment

       He’s been there for at least 4 hours. He must be waiting for me to come up. He surely has lots of question. Maybe he won’t be mean. I don’t want to be mean, but they usually make me do bad stuff. I can’t wait for that moment when all my feelings are mixed together. I’m already addicted to it, but I don’t care. I must check him. I haven’t left the basement where I locked him in a metallic cage, I’m waiting for him to be ready. Sleep. But I don’t have the time he needs, I must go back soon, I can’t risk anyone wondering where I am. I’m dropping the cigarette, stepping on it in order for the smoke to be gone. My stomach turns upside-down as I’m getting closer. I can’t wait any longer. My heart is pumping like crazy, and my legs are shaking. I already can feel the sweat dropping off my face, a weird hotness in my hands, that’s slowly going everywhere. I’m opening the door, and I see him, still sleeping on the cold hard floor. Water drops are going down the walls, a green colour is now everywhere, on the walls, on the ceiling and at some point there will be on the floor too. But my eyes stop at the cage. The beautiful cage I built a couple of months ago. Alek begins to move a little, only to realise that there isn’t much room for that. He’s looking for something to get him out of there, for me, but more importantly he’s looking for a motive to escape. Before kidnapping him, I could hear him telling the bartender how he’s overwhelmed with guilt at some point. He knows he’s unworthy, but humans are specially designed to do anything they can in order to survive. So the first thing he’s doing is searching his mind for a good reason to live, when he has over a million to wait for his death and pray for his forgiveness.
       “You asshole! Let me out of here and let’s see who wins then.” I’m disappointed in him, but he must be scared. I’m giving him a second chance to be nicer to me. I don’t think he would enjoy being tortured. He’s scared.
       “Alek, you really should act nicer. I’m not going to give you another chance, okay? I’m going to ignore the rudeness you just showed because you must be really scared.” He panics when he sees my face. He starts to remember about last night. I’m waiting for an apologie for trying to hurt me, but I'm not actually going to get one. He doesn’t look like the type to admit his mistakes.
      “You crazy son of a bitch! I SAID LET ME OUT OF HERE!” Crazy. I’m not crazy, I’m not crazy. I am not... “Fuck you, psychopath! LET! ME! OUT!” Crazy. Psychopath.
      “I AM NOT CRAZY!” I’m lowering down to his cage, looking through the bar in his eyes, smiling at him. “I’M JUST DOING WHAT’S RIGHT!” I’m trying to pull him closer to me, getting all of my hand between the bars, trying to catch him. Calm down. “You’re a murderer, Alek, you killed 2 innocent kids, and you pathetic pig somehow got away with it. Did you really think karma won’t do its job? Fuck it, Alek, I even gave you a second chance. I told you to be nicer.”  
      “You’re insane!” My whole face is turning red, and all I see for the next 5 seconds is black. Insane, insane, insane. Sighing, I’m getting up. He needs to be taught a lesson. He needs to see how wrong he is before I’m finally done with him. I’m reaching the water pipe, turning it on. I broke it on purpose when I first started this so cold water would be pouring all over the victim’s body. I’m looking at him and with a victorious smile I’m leaving the room. He needs to think about what he’s done. Crazy. Psychopath. Insane. I’m leaning on the door, trying to light a cig, trying to play with the smoke again. But he doesn’t like this place. He never comes here when I’m trying to talk to him. I need to get out of here. I’m running to the stairs, but it seems impossible to get upstairs. My legs are barelly moving, and my body’s gradually freezing, gradually turning into stone, until I can’t move a muscle. I’m stuck.
           I’m crying, yelling, and going crazy all alone in this room. Everything is going down, everything darkens up and everything looses its meaning. I’m all by myself. Just me. I don’t want everything, but yet nothing’s not enough now. I need her touches, her good words and her way to look at me for hours even if we lived in the same house. I need her back, but I can’t have that. I need something to fill me again, something to make me feel alive. I’m just numb, I’m not living my life anymore. I can’t feel anything, and that scares me. I might loose control. I don’t feel that any of this is my life anymore. I can see myself distancing my mind from my body. I can look at my life, but I could swear that that shit show wasn’t mine. I think at myself as a spectator of my own life, I think at my life as someone else’s and I think at the unknown. I start asking myself whose life I’m watching. Whose body I’m trapped inside and how do I escape.
            Bryan...
           I hear someone whispering my name, and I’m getting closer to the cigarettes that I found in the house. I’m lighting one and the smoke makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like this is my body, and it makes me accept my life. She’s dead. The smoke is trying to help me, he talks to me, he understands me. I’m closing my eyes until all I can hear and feel it’s him. My new and only friend. The smoke.
         Alek’s screams saves me from my memories. I’m trying to climb the stairs, and finally , I’m calling my friend.
         “He called me crazy.” I’m not crazy.
          I’m sorry. He tries to comfort me, and as soon as I’m able to drive I’m going home. I need to sleep a little. I’m looking at the street lights, and I feel like they’re watching me, judging me, hating me. But I don’t mind, I’m used to it. I feel like I’m drunk, because everything spins around me, I need to sleep, I don’t want to feel like this again. I’m falling asleep.
         **
         “So, Alek, do you know why you’re here?” But he doesn’t answer. “I told you already. You killed 2 kids Alek, and you never paid for it.” Every time I mention this he’s mind is thinking about it. And his whole face shows remorse. But unfortunately it’s too late for redemption.
         “Please...” He’s still trembling, and cold water is still pouring on his body. But I’m going to stop it for now. Let’s see if he knows how to behave now. “Let me out.”
         “Why did you do that?”
         “It was an accident.” He’s almost crying, but I’m not buying it. He still doesn’t care, and he never will. “ You idiot, let me out of here!” I’m turning the water on again.
          I’m leaving the room to prepare our meal. We both need to eat something. I went to the nearest store and bought 2 burgers. But that’s not all, I’m putting enough rat poison in his meal to kill him slowly, but not right away. He’ll be suffering in his last moments. He’ll regret it eventually, everyone does when they’re dying. He’s yelling because he feels like he’s going crazy.
         “Eat.”
         “You’re crazy if you think I’m going to eat this!” He’s suspicious for good reasons, but he’s going to eat.
         “Okay, you can have mine if you want.”
         “H-h-how do I know you haven’t thought about this?” He wants to eat, and I decide to stop the water again. He knows he’s wrong now.
         He looks at the burger, and jumps at it. He starts eating eat like it’s the first he’s eaten in years. Everyone is like this after a day or two. I’m laughing so hard, and he realises I put something in his food. He knew, but the urge was too powerful.
         “You’ll be dead in 6 hours. Now I can tell you why I’m doing this.”
         “Please...”
          “I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s already done. You know, one guy like you, a criminal, a murderer, killed my wife. He ran his car over her, and walked away. No one knows who he is, no one knows his car number, no one knows anything. I live with the feeling of being helpless, I live in the unknown. And it’s killing me. So I’m making this my job. I’m catching idiots like you, Alek. People with no heart. This is your punishment.”
          I’m leaving the room, and I'm starting the pipe with water. He’s begging me to let him go. And everything turns into colours. Everything it’s brighter and I can feel my friend coming back, I feel excited. I feel relieved. It’s amazing how feelings can make you feel alive. I need to feel like a real person, and they need to be punished. It’s a win-win situation. A few hours passes by, and I’m going back there. He’s lying on the ground, blood coming out of his mouth. He’s not dead yet, but he will be soon. He’s dying. And now he knows he deserves it. He’s sorry for what he’s done.
          “You’ll burn in hell, asshole.” He’s dying, but his attitude is the same. I admire this at someone. He starts coughing, spitting blood everywhere until he stops breathing, until his heart stops beating. He’s dead. I’m getting my knife out, and I’m opening his right eye.
           Let’s go.
           As I’m done, and I’m admiring my piece of art, marked by my initials, I’m lighting a cigarette. I should listen to him. We should go. I’m getting the body in the car, dropping it somewhere in the park this time, and I’m going home. I feel alive, I feel great. I’m relaxed. This mix of feelings is what I needed. It’s my addiction.