Trapped

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*Two weeks later*
8am
My throwing up has gotten worse. I officially accept the fact that I have morning sickness. Every morning I feel horrible, I throw up and just feel so weak. I hate it! I hate it!! To top it off, I've been given a homeschool teacher. So during classes, I have to try to hold my throw up in. My teacher Ms.Garnish seems to look really agitated with me everytime I throw up. So, I just try my hardest not to me. She's actually not as nice as I imagined her to be. She's a short old lady, she stands about 5 feet tall. She's Indian and has beautiful hair. She has a mole on her face and she always dresses so classy. Everything about her features are classy and pretty except her attitude. She just gets upset with me all the time. She makes me feel like I'm dumb. When the truth is I'm actually very smart! I ranked 1st in my whole 11th grade class! I bad a gpa of 3.8 the whole school year. Despite all of the problems I had going on at home I worked my ass off in school. So for her to sit up here and just make me feel stupid and illiterate.. it just takes a huge toll on me. Usually, I'm not this emotional. Like I could careless about this lady but these pregnancy hormones are definitely getting to me!
I have class with her from 8am to 2:30. It's actually about twenty minutes shorter than regular school. She gets paid a lot just to teach me. I just don't understand why this man is being nice to me. Well he's being nice but at the same time he's not. Why won't he just let me go back home? I just feel like I'm trapped here and I'm hiding a whole pregnancy from him. I'm a month and some days into this pregnancy... almost two months into this pregnancy. I know I'll start showing soon, and he might feel bad that I didn't tell him or even consider telling him while he did his best to provide for me in his home instead of use me as a sex slave.
Today is Saturday and I don't really have to do much but stay in "my room". The maid brings me food literally every second! I feel like she knows I'm pregnant. She always brings me brown bags to breath in and out to when I feel the need to vomit. She always makes sure I'm well fed and that I don't carry hard/heavy object, and she so kind to me. I can't really remember her name but I think I heard the man and his son calling her Maria. I found out their names though. The older male's name is Mike. The younger one( his son) is Jameel . How'd he go from such a classy name Mike to name his son Jameel? That's a name you'd definitely hear in the Bronx! Jameel seemed mean at first but he's always glancing me looks and smiling at me. I always catch him just staring at me. Sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable but other times I feel really happy and it just makes me feel.. pretty. He tries to have sneaky conversations with me, but I'm just not ready to get involved with any male right now. Especially considering what males have done to me.. two have raped me, and one has left me pregnant all alone. I just can't..
            I try to keep myself from breaking down every once in a while, but I just feel alone. I just need someone to vent to. That's where Jameel falls in place. I told myself I'll never fall into the trap. Well, except for now.

      •  •  •
    I broke down in tears and I didn't even realize how loud I was weeping. My door bursted open and Jayquan stood above my bed just staring at me.
   " you good ? " he asked
I ignored him
" yo ma you good? "
I ignored him again
" ard yo. I don't even know why I bother" he said.
I heard footsteps and then I heard the door open and close. I lifted my head up only to see that he was surprisingly there.
" see I knew that would get you. Now what's wrong? " he smiled
" everything. " I felt so vulnerable
" well tell me about this everything. "
" my mom is a crackhead that has never loved me. She's always hated me and made me doubt myself. She allowed me to get harmed in so many ways. She hurt me before anyone else could. She got my father killed! I didn't even get a chance with my dad!! She sold me just to pay her crack debts and now worst of all I'm pregnant by the person that she sold me to! And he sold me.. knowing that me and this baby.. ugh!! Everyone I know just hurts me. Why is everything just happening to me? I can't catch a break! Since I was very young I've never had a happy life. I'm just ready for it all to be over. " I wept
It was at this point I realized that all of this was just eating me alive.. I needed to say all of this aloud. This is just what I needed. I needed to hear it coming from myself to know that this is actually my reality. This is what my life is and I can't change it. I didn't even bother to wait for his response. I just plopped my head back down on the bed and wiped my own tears away.     Even though I really needed someone to be here for me. It was obvious this was just something I'd have to face alone. Just like every other problem I've had in my life since my dad passed away. It seems like this one death just screwed me up for life. I've never had help. I always had to get stuff done on my own, I thought I was doing a darn good job at keeping myself together but it just all hit me at once.
He lifted my head up and hugged me tight and I just wept in his arms. I needed somebody to actually treat me like I'm worthy of their attention and someone that actually cared. For the first in forever, I felt at peace..