Wasted || Adam Lambert (BoyxBoy)

chapter one

(Adam)

"Coming!" I yelled to my bodyguards through the closed wooden door of my dressing room, backstage.

I leant my body over the desk in the corner of my room, in front of the mirror attached. I took a deep breath when i heard the noise coming from the crowd, and then i held one of my nostrils shut, sniffing hard in order to inhale all of the cocaine on my bench. I stood back up straight and rubbed my nose, coughing a little bit.

"Adam!" I heard the guards yell once more and i cursed under my breath, trying to get my shit together for the third last show i had to do for my Original High tour.

"Okay, okay." I opened the door and rushed down the long hallway to the stage, where i got prepared. I stood behind the curtain and tried to make myself less restless, shaking it off.

The curtains came up and everybody started cheering.

"Are you ready San Fransisco?" I yelled loudly and the cheering became unbearable. I adjusted my earpiece and smiled widely as if i wasn't tripping. "Wow, everyone looks so great tonight!" I yelled again and looked back at my band members, seeing them all cheery. I was glad everybody was in a good mood, because i really wasn't. In front of the drugs i was, but with that gone, i don't know what i would do. It was my release.

"Do you guys wanna hear a song?" I asked rhetorically, taking my microphone off of the stand. I walked around the stage and felt the music pump through my veins.

"I got the need for speedin' on a hot night, pushing a hundred and fifty, just to get a rise," Just seeing the crowd so happy to see me, really made my day. I love my fans and they're all so beautiful, i just feel empty. Nothing would replace the emptiness.

"There's no comfort in comfort, i need the edge. But the edge keeps driftin' it's all my head."

The concert was fantastic, just like any other. It went on for almost three hours and it was the only time i felt okay. I wasn't depressed, and it's not like i was unhealthily unhappy, there was just something in the drugs that made me feel fulfilled. The funny thing was, it that there was nothing i felt as though i was missing in my life. It was so weird and i didn't understand it myself.

Nobody knew about my secrets, and i wasn't prepared to tell anyone. No one needed to know.

"Thank you guys so much for a great show!" The happy faces i saw across everybody was fantastic, and part of me didn't want to leave and face the real world. "Hopefully i will be back soon, but for now, have a great night everybody!" I waved once more and walked off of the stage, looking down at my shoes. I wiped the little amount of sweat from my face and took out my earpiece, handing it to a guard. They followed me back to my dressing room where i changed my clothes, heading back out to the area where my car was.

I never saw the band out of rehearsals. It was only when we went out for the night that i would see them, apart from Terrence. He was the only one that i saw out of concert, really.

"Mr. Lambert." The driver opened the door for me and nodded, letting me get in the black car. It was a big, four wheeled drive type car. The seats were leather and the temperature was cool.

After we had everything sorted we took off. Again, it was lonely having only myself in the car, when in the car behind me the whole band were having fun and chatting. I had nothing to do. No one to talk to. All
i had were two bodyguards in the car with me, ready to take a bullet for my life. The other person was my organiser.

"The plane leaves at six o'clock in the morning tomorrow, Adam. Don't be late." I giggled and pushed the car door open, another man coming around and grabbing my bag. "Have i ever been?"

"It's only a matter of time." I smiled and nodded at her, hearing the door close as i walked into the five star hotel with my bodyguard. It was nice, the floors were sparkly and clean, and reception looked very high in quality. We walked straight past to where the elevators were.

"Mr. Lambert." He nodded at me once and i did so back, farewelling him until tomorrow morning. I really wasn't looking forward to waking up early.

*

"Please fasten your seatbelt, we are preparing for take off. Thank you for your cooperation." The air hostess in first class flights told us as we all sat back in our big chairs. The alcohol in the cabinets that i could see made my temptation awfully impatient, but nobody could know. I crossed my legs and laid my head back on the comfy chair.

"Adam?" I snorted as i heard Terrance's voice. He sat beside me, to the left. I lifted my head and looked at him sleepily. "What's up?"

"Adam, are.. you alright?" He asked me curiously, but caring. I faked a smile and pulled my hair back off of my face. "Yeah, i'm okay. Why do you ask?"

"I don't want to seem invading, but you've been, different lately." I frowned.

"Different?"

"Just, disoriented. Out of it." He clarified. I bit my lip. "It's probably just the pressure of the tour. I'm tired, you know." I smiled and tried to convince him, but Terrance was one of my best friends and he could see straight through me. I couldn't handle telling him, though. Not even he could know.

"You know, i'm always here. You know that Adam. We're all here for you." He put him hand on my arm to assure me. "Thanks." I put my other hand on top of his, smiling again. I was getting so sick of faking it all the time. Maybe i should talk to someone.

I went to turn my head to sleep, but he stopped me.

"Hey," I looked at him once more with curiosity. "I don't want to remind you, but this isn't amount.. Tommy, is it?" I stopped in my tracks, looking down at the arm of the chair searching for answers. I hadn't talked to Tommy for months, since we fought verbally about our relationship together.

During the Glam Nation tour, things went on. Just between him and I, things that Tommy didn't want the whole world to know about. Our relationship together lasted for a year, and then Tommy was scared people would find out. He didn't want anybody knowing that he was secretly a gay man, no matter how many times i told him it would be okay.

It broke my heart when he ended it. I didn't know what to do, so i looked for someone else. That's when i met Sauli. He took the edge of the pain away, just enough so that i wouldn't focus on him. But when that ended, i had nothing. All i had was the memories of Tommy that i missed with all of my heart.

"Adam?" He asked me quietly. I took a deep breath and looked at him. "You know how i feel about Tommy, and just thinking about it makes me upset, but i can't do anything about it." He frowned.

"But you can."

"How, Terrance? He can't accept his own identity, and he sure doesn't want me."

"Maybe, just talk to him. If that's really what's bothering you." He suggested. I snorted. "That will hurt me even more. I couldn't just talk to him, because i want so much more than that. I always have."

"You've always loved him, haven't you?" I paused for a second and looked at him critically. I curled my lips slightly, thinking about his beautiful smile. His blonde hair. His soft features that i wanted so much. "I'll never stop. You know that." He talked to me for a little while longer before he let me rest after a long couple of days, and two more to come.

The next two days in Los Angeles would be good. I would finally be home after the tour, and that's where i wanted to be.

My habits were eating me alive and i didn't know what to do anymore.