Broken Branches (Bleed Me Dry/Drown Me In Sequel)

Telling Myself

"I don't deserve this, you don't deserve me. I can't be lonely forever." Telling Myself, Sami Akbari.

Gia

I still remember when MJ was young, when she loved me so much she would run into my arms after a long day at school. But now I never even get a hello. I've spent 17 years working everyday so she could fulfill every dream she ever had, so she would never feel an ounce of pain. I've failed at that though. If she would've had a real father that she would know as more than the man who sends monthly checks maybe things would be different. I spend every waking hour thinking of this child and how somehow I could have given her a better life. More than just Andie and I, more than a dead spirit on her shoulders, more than spending days in a diner while I work for her to go to 60,000 dollar colleges and still have food on the table.

I hoped that when she went to school things would become normal for her. That she would have endless playdates and nothing in the world would touch her. But she was quiet and reserved, almost afraid to speak to the other kids. She has always been a straight A student with high goals for herself but I feel like besides having Andie around for a good laugh every so often she hasn't had much fun. I've tried so hard, I'm so tired from it, but still none of it was enough. In a few months she'll leave me behind with nothing but a faint memory of her little hand wrapped around my finger.

I've been working at Wrigley's for since I was 18 years old. I'm 36 now and other than MJ not much has changed. When I first started working at Wrigley's I was running away from a broken heart. For my first year I was distant with my co-workers and lived on one night stands. I fell for MJ's father before I even knew I was pregnant. Once I saw that little red plus sign my world around me changed. Andie had just started working at Wrigley's on the run from an abusive husband and Millie, the co-worker I had ignored for years was having terrible fainting spells. The three of us ran into each other at the hospital and the rest is history. The two of them were my anchor keeping me grounded through my unstable relationship with MJ's father Tanner. Eventually he left me with no real explanation. With Millie on her deathbed and my baby ready to come I didn't have time to meddle over my broken heart. Tanner and I made an agreement that as long as he sent the checks that I wouldn't come find him and neither would MJ. He has popped in every once in awhile getting MJ's hopes up only to let her down. Every time he leaves he breaks her heart and even though I'm concentrated on her pain he's slowly breaking mine too. I tell myself that MJ and I are better off without him but I know deep down if he was around things would be different.

As I am deep in my thought I can feel the egg I'm frying start to burn. I need to get out of my head and back to reality, for my daughter. MJ can never know the truth about her family in Ohio, she can never know the truth about Andie, and she definitely cannot know the truth about her father. Shielding her is the only thing I can do, maybe it's ruined her, maybe it's ruined me, but at least I can pretend that I am happy.