Broken Branches (Bleed Me Dry/Drown Me In Sequel)

Shattered

"Give me a break; let me make my own pattern. All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered." Shattered, O.A.R.

MJ

Every so often I have these moments where I don't even know what to do with my own body. It's like I'm living outside of myself and my life is spiraling out of my own control.

How dare my dad show up after all this time. He was nothing more than an occasional call on my birthday and now he shows up at our door acting like he's known me forever. Like that one week he spent with me as a baby was enough for him to know me.

I lay on the bed in my room with the door locked, I don't want to see him or my mother. They brought me into this cruel world, not on love, by mistake. My mother never wanted me, Andie told me once she struggled a lot emotionally in her pregnancy. I often wonder if she ever considered killing me. I fall asleep thinking the same thoughts that haunt me day in and day out.

My alarm goes off at the same time it always does, I eat breakfast and listen to my mother babble like I always do, I drive to school and sit in my car until the last second and meet Ardena at our lockers just like we have always done.

"Hey," I say to Ardena as she walks up.

"How are you? I heard you're dad is back? Is he still really hot?" Ardena speed talks to me. She has a habit of doing that.

"I'm fine because I'm not talking to him. And no he was never hot,"

"He is too me. My mom said she used to be his assistant when he was a lawyer here."

"I didn't even know he was a lawyer, I guess that explains where the money came from."

"Well now you know he's hot and a lawyer."

"Shut up he's my dad," I push her shoulder lightly and we walk to class laughing.

When I walk out with Holland I tell him everything. He listens while I talk and I think it's the longest time he's ever been silent.

"You know my dad and I don't have a relationship either," he tells me.

"Yeah, I kinda remember that from middle school," I respond, I have known what happened with the Carters for a long time but Holland has never talked about it before.

"He cheated on my mom when I was young. I always sort of had a problem with that before, but one night he and my sister were fighting and I took her side. He got really angry and threw us out of the house. Now I live with my mom and we only talk every so often."

"I'm so sorry Holland."

"I'm just saying that I really wish my dad and I could get along despite his faults. If your dad really wants to love you, maybe you should give him that chance."

"You know people may fault you for your compulsive judgments but you really are great you know that."

After Holland and I part ways I get in my car and for a moment I just sit there, knowing what I have to do.

I that feeling in my heart is still there. My father has broken me, shattered me even. But this isn't about him, it isn't about my mother, it's about me. I drive to the hotel I heard my mom tell Andie is staying at, when I find his room and walk up there I can't bring myself to knock on the door, but I do it anyway.

"Millie?"

"Dad."