Broken Branches (Bleed Me Dry/Drown Me In Sequel)

Time Will Tell Her

"Old soul, your wounds they show. I know, that you have never felt so low. But hold on, head up, be strong." Angel by the Wings, Sia.

Andie

"There is a man out there who wants to love you and you have to find him. He will love you despite your physical and mental scars. Forgive yourself for Vincent, you never did anything wrong to him, it was NOT your fault." I look down at the 17 year old letter that is now worn from me looking at it after countless nights of not knowing what to do or where to go. It reminds me of what I once had, and that maybe one day I'll have it again.

Millie isn't the only thing that swamps my head. Gia, MJ, Spence, Tanner, and most of all Vincent. The memory of abuse never truly leaves you, especially when it's from someone you used to love so much. I always imagined that 17 years later I would have healed, but I imagine a lot of things that never seem to happen that way.

I want Spence back, I need him back, I've had affairs with many men but none of them have ever felt like this. When he kissed me everything started to go away. All the memories that flash through my head on a daily basis disappeared. Spending the night with him made it a little easier to back to my apartment in the morning.

A person would think that if I can't sleep in the apartment I once shared with my best friend that has been dead for 17 years, I would have moved out by now. I mean that is what a sane person would do but I've never really been the sane type. I can't bare to leave it, and I can't love it. If I sold it I would be throwing her memory away, not just my own but 10 years of her life that she lived in there. It was her first home, she spent countless nights in there struggling through her chemo, Gia had her first morning sickness in that bathroom, she picked my bloody body off of the floor, but most importantly this is where the three of us all started to know each other. Yes, there were some hard times, but there were laughs, late night conversations, and eating ice cream while watching reruns of Friends over and over and over again. I'm not ready to forget those things just yet. I'm not ready for someone else to sit in the rooms where I built my new life as Millie's ended.

I know I will eventually need to talk to MJ, there are so many things she still doesn't know and might never understand. Her mother is a complicated woman, all three of us were. We all had more secrets than the average woman.

I pull up to Tanner's old apartment, a girl at work told me he had moved back in there and that he was even working at his old firm. I need to talk to him, I need to know the truth.

When I knock on the door he answers, "MJ isn't here I promise."

"Relax Tanner that's not why I'm here," I tell him.

"Why are you here then? You haven't spoken to me directly the whole time I've been here."

"Forgive me Tanner, I've had a hard time coming to terms with the fact you've showed your face here after everything you've done," I say like there's grit in between my teeth.

"Andie, it isn't what you think."

"Really because what was it Tanner? Why did you show up after 17 years acting like nothing happened? Why is it that all of a sudden you want to love what you could have had a long time ago!"

"Sit down Andie." We both sit down on his couch, everything is just as it was when I would come over to pick Gia up for her appointments. It takes a moment before he speaks again, "It's all very hard to say you know, one minute you're vowing to conceal something your whole life and then here you are about to spit the words out. And then when you go to speak they almost seem foreign even though you've said them to yourself a thousand time over."

"I know the feeling."

"That's why I'm telling you, because you know what it's like to hurt for someone."

"So does Gia."

"Not in the same way." He pauses for a long time and I wait, whatever he has to say must be big. "I loved Millie," he finally says in a shaky voice.

I don't even know what to think, surely if Millie and Tanner were having an affair or if God forbid Tanner was cheating on Gia with Millie she would have told me.

"How?" I ask him.

"I asked her out before you and Gia ever moved here, she was so down to earth, so pure." When he says that I can't help but remember my best friend. "But she shot me down and I knew Gia had a lot of sex. At first all I wanted was just one night with her and that beautiful blond gracefulness she carried but...," he trails off.

"But what Tanner?"

"I couldn't help myself. I broke my condom so she might get pregnant, so I could have more. God I hate myself."

"Let me get this straight, you got Gia pregnant on purpose so you could be with her for more than one night, but you realized you were in love with Millie so you left Gia alone with your baby while you mourned Millie's death," I am completely out of my mind right now I can't even believe this is happening.

"Sort of, I mean there's still underlying issues."

"All this time I thought you had a drug problem, now I wish it was a drug problem. Did Millie even know?"

"Yes. When I was staying out at night before I left Gia I met Millie and told her."

"What did she say?"

"That I was crazy, that I needed to stand by Gia."

"Sounds like Millie."

"She died Andie."

"You don't think I know that?"

"I do, I just needed to say it out loud."

"Tanner, we're not done here but I have to go."

"Wait!" I turn around as he says it, "Please don't tell Gia and MJ. I want to do it myself."

"Goodbye Tanner."

I need to clear my head, but I also need to tell Spence my own truth, talking to Tanner made me realize that even if he shoots me down, he deserves to know I really loved him.

For the second time today I'm standing on someone's doorstep, but this time I'm giving away my heart.

"What do you want Andie?"

"It's going to take a lot of strength for me to say this but you never knew the real me, I have a lot of scars, a lot of secrets that I'm finally ready to share. I've been with a lot of men since Millie died but you're the only one that ever made me feel like maybe she came and went for a reason." I take a deep breath as a tear runs down my face. "I love you, I don't think we're different at all, and even if we are I think we can work through it, so please Spence, I'm begging you to take a chance on me."

Spence takes a step out the door, a step into our unknown.