I dont really know what to say.
I just wanted to write something.
Im sitting on my bed, listening to music. Some would call it depressing, i would call it calming. Or thoughtful-kinda-moment.
Ive been binge listening to 'Nothing but theives'. Its a really nice band with some chill tracks in their new album. Some tracks are more hyper and others are more chill, like this one, that im listening to right now, 'tempt you'.
My mood.
I wouldnt describe this mood as depressed, that im in right now.
I would describe it as an 'im-okay-but-i-wanna-sleep-and-not-wake-up-again' mood.
You know that mood? That mood where you're actually feeling okay, but you still would be okay with it if you would die?
Maybe you do.
Maybe you dont.
Maybe im going crazy.
Who knows?
Sometimes, i feel like all i do is annoy people. They see me and think 'ugh not her again'.
Yes, i know, i can be an asshole sometimes.
Yes, i know that its exausting to deal with my moodswings.
But for fucks sake,
Its fucking exausting, if your day constists of suicidal thoughts and future plans.
Imagine it like a storm.
It gets warm and humid before the storm arrives.
i start to feel sad and depressed.
When the storm arrives, there are lightnings and thunders.
i breakdown.
The storm starts to clear up again.
i start to feel a little better.
The storm is gone and the sky is clear and blue.
l get hyped af and laugh at everything.
You understand what im trying to say?
Brave people stand in the storm.
Cowards stay inside and watch the rain fall.
Its like helping a suicidal person...somehow.
You have to be brave.
You have to be open for them.
You have to make them understand that they are important.
That they do matter.
That you care.
Thats what people always did to me. What they said.
i'm still here.
right?
_______________________________________
I hope this made some kind of sense...
And btw, if my grammar isnt perfect, its bc im from switzerland, and speak german.
._.
So yea.
sorry 'bout that.
YOU ARE READING
midnight thoughts
Non-Fictionme, being a bored piece of shit, wanting to put her thoughts and ideas out to the world. thats what im doing here. telling my story - maybe just the beginning - maybe just the start. maybe its interessting to read whats going on in the mind of a per...
