Chapter 16: Twenty first century whore
Janessa's POV
I couldn't believe what had just happened. I can't believe how things can change so fast, from the happiest day ever of my life to the worst day ever. I'm ready to die. I pushed Alex away from me and put my clothes on. I couldn't stop sobbing. I'm not ready to be a mother, I'm not. I haven't done anything to feel proud of, is that what I want my child to know about her or his mother?
I kept crying and Alex felt quite embarrassed of being the only one naked so he covered his dick with the covers. It was still night, might be another day but its still dark"Where are you going?" He asked as I reached for the door
"I... I can't stay I'm sorry I can't. I'm sorry for everything" I said and slammed the door
I went towards the beach and sat on the cold sand. It didn't even bother me now if a crab bites my fingers. He can bite me to pieces until he eats me completely and no one will know. Or I can just easily walk into the ocean and get lost, let the ocean do its job.
I feel like I have just committed a sin. I have, having it before marriage. But that didn't matter anymore, what did is that I'd be sure my parents would feel so ashamed of having me as their daughter. I'm sure they'd even wanna just, die. They would say I am a modern whore. For just this one time I'm glad they are not alive even if it sounds rude. I sit here for a while until I can't contain my eyes and I'm sleeping. Before I drift off about half an hour has passed, no sign of Alex coming to my rescue to comfort me. This isn't going to work out. At all. Maybe I was too rude. But I should've stopped since the first time I was uncomfortable when he thrusted, but it was too good to stop. I don't know if I do end up pregnant and he's gonna take responsibility for the little Turner that would soon be growing inside my stomach. I don't care if its his or anyone's I don't want a kid. I feel like I am super irresponsible, what will I do when my child asks me ,
"Mummy how was I born?" With dreamy eyes
"Oh, it was your daddy and I's birthday and we decided to have sex. You were a mistake" I can't say that. I can't give him to the orphanage, never in a million years would I let him die in there, I know how it is. Maybe if I puke harder I can prevent the pregnancy. I was thinking like a fifteen year old. Maybe I am fifteen and he's still twenty five. I am too young for having a baby, eighteen. He's in the perfect age for having one. When he's forty five the kid will probably be fourteen. Whatever.
Sleeping
After sleeping"Janessa?" I heard a stupid Yorkshire familiar voice.
I don't wanna open me eyes.
"Hey" I said
"I'm sorry about last night, I should've thought" he whispered
I looked at the sun and it was about seven in the morning. I slept almost all night on the seashore. Luckily I wasn't soaking wet, if luck exists. Seems to me like it doesn't.
"Hey, it's alright. I over reacted too. I was confused and scared. I still am." I said
"And, are you feeling any strange?" He chuckled
"Oh shut up you prick, I'm not gladly" I said
"Listen, if you do end up pregnant, it is your decision if you want to abort the baby or not. I'm not pressuring you"
It was convincing but I could never. Whatever
"Alexander are you crazy I could never do that! It is a responsibility I will have and that baby is not going anywhere"
"Do you wanna have a baby?" He whispered shyly.
"No, do you"
He shook his head
"It would be nice but, I'm not the father type. But if it happens it will happen and I know I don't have to see the baby to love him with all my heart" he said
He leaned and pecked my lips slightly
"And I wouldn't want to have any baby with no one else but you" he continued
I felt comforted to hear he wasn't pressuring me as if I want to have the kid or not, but no one should deny life to a human being. He looked quite sad though to realise if this did happen he'd have to settle down for a bit"Hey,, relax babe. We still aren't sure if I am pregnant or not, I know it's hard but we will try to be as best as we can now to be a good example for the baby" I said as I touched his hair. He came closer and hugged me tightly
"You're right, I need to take a break from alcohol and partying around. You too."
"I need to stop cutting"
"I thought you stopped" he said
"I have. But I don't want him to know how weak and worthless his mom is, how uneasy she is of herself and of her decisions. Just thinking of it makes me wanna disappear so I won't be a bad example" all of these feelings started summing up and I wanted to cry. After all I have the right to do so, isn't this how all sixteen year olds are when they end up like this?I'm not sixteen.
I am eighteen and the worlds worst disgrace"Aye listen he won't know that, plus remember what they say, don't worry about tomorrow. You will be the best mother in the world I can assure you." He kissed my lips
"And you will be the best father ever, I'm sure. "
I imagine him sitting on a cold afternoon outside with my ten year old daughter teaching her how to play the guitar. Or baby Turner learning how to walk with us on the carpet.
No.
I'm not ready for this.
We went inside to pack everything and he went to the restroom and took a long time, not that I count the minutes anyway.Alex's POV
I didn't know how to react. I don't want to have a kid of mines. But I do have to realise if I don't have it know I will be too old to have one after. I have to set my fear aside and my concern and help Janessa because she is the one that worries me the most out of both of us. I am glad she didn't accept to abort the baby because it would've hurt a lot.
Too bad if its real that baby won't have grandparents
I can't really count on my own parents either. I still don't know what happened to hers
I decided to text Matt, he's the only one that's always awake this early on Saturdays if he isn't hungover. I hope he isn't
Texts
Alex: hey mate
Minutes passed
Matt: sup babe;) how did it go yesterday with that sweetheart of yours?
Alex: everything was fine until night
Matt: what.. Why?
Alex: the condom broke, ripped, whatever you say to say you can become a parent without wanting to
Matt: holy fuck Alex I'm sorry. How is she
Alex: going crazy.. We still don't know
Matt: give me her full name I will make an appointment to the doctor, I'm going to him today anyways
Alex: thanks mate, her name is just Janessa Pires but her moms last name is Summers, unusual last name there
Matt: right Janessa, hold on Summers?Was she born in Sheffield too?
Alex: yeah why mate
Matt: I... I I don't know it was just a thought forget it.
Alex: spit it out Matt
Matt: I think I know her mother, ask her what's her mothers name
Alex: her mom is dead Matt
Matt: I ,, I k know that but please ask her
Alex: ightI walked out of the restroom
"Hey Nessa what's your moms name again?" She was watching Batman on tv, before the joker actually died.
"Why? Her name was Mardelle. What for?" She looked confused
"Just because" I blew her a kiss and slammed the door shut
Alex: Mardelle
Matt: so it is her! Mardelle, how much I miss that woman, last time I saw her I was a kid and she a young lady like Ness or bit older. Mardelle would have never wanted Janessa to feel how she is right now. Bring her to me so I can chat about her mum, maybe it can help easy things down
Alex: thanks so much mate! We're on our way xxx"Are you all settled we need to go" I said and turned the telly off
"Yes lets go but why the rush?"
I grabbed her hand and closed the motel door. We got in the car
"We're going to Matt's house. It's important" I said and held her hand as I drove as fast as I could
"Okay? Can you sing me some of the tunes of Submarine?" She said and giggled
"Are the pregnant moods seriously starting this early?" I asked and laughed as she stiffened
"Shuddup Alex, deal with it, plus it's just something I have always wanted" she said
AlrightWe arrived at his house
He swung the door open and let us in he hugged her and nodded at me
"Janessa we need to talk" he said to her as we sat down. He had the cuppas ready
"About... What?" She looked confused
"About Mardelle, or how me mum and I called her, Mardy" her faced looked serious now and quite dizzy.
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YOU ARE READING
Everyone Should Know (Alex Turner)
Fanfiction"But you said you'd love me forever," she said with tears streaming down her face. He looked at her carelessly and said, "Yes,but that was before I met her" "Alex please" she said "I'm sorry Ari,"He told her. Follow the life of a young Janessa Pires...