calabasas

7

Chapter 7:
why?
- Oliva -
--
I just sat there sitting on my bed; my parents know I haven't been going to school.
They think im sick, and I am, I'm not myself anymore.
All I am is sad.

I don't know why.
So I asked myself
"Why?"
"Olivia why are you so sad?"
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

I haven't been eating, I've been listening to nothing; nothing but the silence that surrounds me.

Why?
Why am I not like myself anymore? Im not who I used to be.

Why?
Why did I fall into this sadness?
How?
How did I fall into this sadness?

I sat there; I had this feeling in me.
Not guilt.
Not hunger
I'm not nauseous.
Sadness.
Its sadness thats taken over my body.

I sat there & I wondered.
Why am I sad? What happened to me?

I don't know how to deal with it, I don't want to go to someone for help.
I want to be myself again, I don't know why I'm sad, I don't know when its going to go away.

Will it go away? How will it go away?
All these questions I can't answer.

Sadness is my bestfriend now, its with me all the time.
I don't know how to let it go.

All I can do is sit there & cope with it.

I fell into a random state of depression for absolutely no reason.
I have a doctors appointment coming up to see if I'm getting better
I need help.
But I don't want it.
Why?
--
"I hate the nights where i feel so
hollow inside.
i feel so damn empty and out of
place.
i hate the nights where my mind
wanders to the unknown
and all i return with is sadness
i hate counting the tears that rush
down my cheeks and collect upon
my pillow,
i hate that the only thing i have at
night to comfort me is
my loneliness,
and the only thing i feel
surrounding me is darkness.

i hate it all." -
s.b