when you say you love me, know I love you more.
when you say you need me, know I need you more.
***
this isn't good. all i can feel is the bumping of the mobile bed, the shouts of doctors and nurses, the beeps, and my own heart beating in my chest. but what scares me the most is what my breathing sounds like, what it tastes like, what it feels like.
with every intake i can hear a tight rasp, i can taste copper upon my tongue and my throat, but what it feels like... it feels like my body is trying to kill me. no, my body is killing me. i feel myself wanting to give up. to be honest it doesn't sound that bad considering the pain the pulses through my body.
"VIC! VICTORIA!" I hear him cry out, my Ethan, my baby boy. I fight so hard to see him straining my head to get a glimpse of his sweet face, but demanding hands push me down, keeping my head and body still.
'Ethan' I call out, but I'm sure I'm the only one that can hear my desperate cries. I want to yell, scream for him. I want to tell him that I'm gonna fight through this, for him. But the mask that covers my face silences me, so I'm let alone with my faint whispers, my faint promises to him.
everything happens so fast. hands, masks, beeps. so when i black out, i'm not frightened. i know when i wake up, i'll be with Ethan again.
But when I awaken to a soft light shining down upon me, he isn't there.
I'm alone, with nothing.
ETHAN
The feeling of terror that expands across my mind and heart consumes me, drives me to the point where my teeth chatter and my hands sweat uncontrollably. I wanted to see her and help her, but they grabbed me and pulled my back into a chair, demanding I stay in the waiting room. That I 'let her go for right now'.
So that's what I do, I sit. I decided to take the seat next to her dad who I met in the worst way a boy could meet their girlfriend's father. But he said that any boy that would sit and wait for his daughter was worth keeping. He reminds me of my father, kind hearted, gentle, rubbing my back every so often while my eyes glance up to the clock. Each time the long hand moves, a feeling of dread hits my heart, the silence of the room eating away at my brain.
"Richard, Ethan." A woman calls our names and I lift my head and jump up from my seat almost instantaneously, Richard not far behind. When I reach the nurse, my heart pounds to the extent that I'm sure everyone in the silent room can hear it.
"Is she okay?" I ask, my eyes searching frantically behind the short woman. Looking for her soft brown hair, her beautiful face, her freckled, thin hands that I would give anything to hold.
When I get no response I freeze up, unable to move, stuck in my spot. I feel every muscle in my body slowly tense. I look to her with wide, scared eyes. Her face in a frown, her eyes fluttering. She chokes up on her words, and when I see a tear rush down her cheek, I go blank. What happened to my Vic? Where is she? Is she dead?
The questions hurt.
I feel as if my world is starting to crumble. I don't know if I can handle knowing what happened to her or where she is. I don't know if I could bare to hear that the love of my life has left me. But I know that I won't be able to move forward if I don't receive the news, and that the questions in my head will only become worse if they don't get answers.
"Where's Vic?" I forcefully question. I clench my jaw, and ball up my fists, tears welling up in my stinging eyes.
Not ready, but in need.
a/n: short but i'm updating again later tonight!
YOU ARE READING
cancer, egd
Fanfiction"Wait, so why did you want to do this?" I ask. "Why not?" "I don't know." I look around the dull room. "It's boring." "The only the boring about this is the way you are currently thinking." He laughs, propping his legs up on my bed like he owns it...
