cancer, egd

27.i have you

I hate Michael. I hate the idea of him, I hate what he stands for, I hate his opinions on everything. 'You should leave him' he said. 'You're too young, you don't know enough' he insisted 'He's young, dumb, and sex-crazed'. My mother stood by, quietly agreeing with him.

My response, I spat is his face screaming 'He cares for me more than my own fucking mother does! My father adores him! You will never speak bad of him again or I swear to god I will slap you right across your damn face!' Then I ran up to my room, I shut the door and locked it, collapsing to the ground immediately after.

I sobbed into my sweatshirt, that Ethan gave me. I cried for what felt like hours, he has taken control of my mother and she hasn't even divorced my father yet. He thinks he has control over me also, how wrong could one be?

I pound my fists on the ground and stand, flinging myself into bed. I reach for my phone and sniffle. I would call Ethan, but I don't want him to worry. I don't want to put any kind of stress on him. So I put my phone back down lay quietly, feeling drained and empty.

And in an instant it almost feels like the night before I painted with Ethan. The night I broke down and shattered a candle in my hands. . . that's how I feel. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't get rid of that one thing that brings me down, that destroys me. I feel hopeless.

I've fallen again, I've fallen into the deep, dark pit. Funny how only last night I felt as if life was perfect, and everything was right in the world. Funny how that night, my mother and Michael never popped into my head once. It was only my friends and I, sharing our happiness with one another.

Now here I lay. Empty, void of emotion because I've cried myself dry. I try to think of something I could possibly do, but nothing seems worth it.

My phone dings from my bedside table. I let it go for a second, but it dings again. I lift my head and see that Ethan has texted me. I pull myself into a sitting position. hey, i know i dropped you off literally 2 hours ago but i miss you I smile down at my screen. dinner date? I smile wider.

sounds perfect💜 I lift myself up from my bed, my mood lifted just by a text. But oh nooo I have to leave him because we are dumb and stupid.

awesome, pick you up at 7? I look up to the time, 5:47. I narrow my eyes, contemplating whether I have enough time or not.

formal or casual? I respond.

always this question with you lol, we'll go somewhere fancier so formal, but not crazy formal I nod my head to myself.

awesome, 7 it is👅 I respond quickly, sifting through my dresses.

see you then love💜 I blush, I love how he always comes up with new nicknames for me. I toss my phone to my bed. I pick out a black, shoulder-less dress that clings to my body. Along with thigh high boots. When I hop in the shower, I wash everything from previous hours away and focus on Ethan. I know I must keep all those thoughts away for a little while.

I push the thoughts back into the black pit that haunts my mind. I start to think positive thoughts. Thoughts about last night and how happy I felt. Soon, it doesn't feel like I forced it upon myself to feel this way.

I hop out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I twist my hair up in a towel knot and moisturize my face. I then squeeze my hair out and blow dry it until I think it would be okay to straighten it.